The 5 worst celebrity memoirs of the decade so far

It is not surprising that many celebrities don’t write their own memoirs and autobiographies. What is surprising is that even with the help of professional ghostwriters, these celebrity memoirs are still bad. The celebrity memoir market seems saturated, yet these books continue to be published and heavily marketed, making their way to the top of bestseller lists. Here are some of the worst celebrity tell-all’s, autobiographies and memoirs of the decade.

Photo courtesy of William Morrow

“Wrestling the Hulk: My Life Against the Ropes” by Linda Hogan. It may be an abuse of the word “celebrity” to label Linda Hogan as one, but she isn’t the first to capitalize on a marriage to a famous person, and she won’t be the last. Her marriage to wrestler Hulk Hogan was chronicled on a VH1 reality show, and then later on in tabloids as it fell apart. Linda started dating a 19-year old, her daughter Brooke stopped speaking to her and Hulk came out with a sex tape. It’s great stuff for TMZ, but not enough of a story for a book, though the fact there is only one copy listed in stock on Amazon.com does make one wonder.

“Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story”by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Here is a man who is legitimately famous, yet his autobiography still failed to

deliver. The choice to release a book about his life so soon after the dissolution of his marriage, the uncovering of an affair and secret son meant that those interested in Schwarzenegger’s side of things would turn to his book in the hopes that he would address his indiscretions whole-heartedly. Instead, they are glossed over.

 “Kris Jenner…and all Things Kardashian”by Kris Jenner. Apparently, there was so much demand for the Kardashian matriarch to tell her life story that

Photo courtesy of Gallery Books/Karen Hunter Publishing

she felt she had no choice but to write a book. The mom/manager addresses the affair that led to her divorce from Robert Kardashian and how she feels partially responsible for the death of her friend Nicole Brown Simpson. Hardly anything new can be said about Jenner’s ability to profit off of her family, so nothing in the book is a real surprise. However, one would think that Jenner would have put as much effort into writing this book as she does when pronouncing the word “memoir.”

“Not Afraid of Life: My Journey so Far” by Bristol Palin. There really isn’t anything interesting about Bristol Palin. The teen moms on MTV’s “Teen Mom” would provide better material to work with, which is just sad. Sure, her mom is Sarah Palin, but at least her books are written in a ridiculously folksy voice that’s full of “you betchas.” In her book, Bristol fails to be entertaining and take responsibility for anything she’s done on her so-called journey so far. What she should have done is apologize for introducing the world to Levi Johnston, who just barely missed being on this list with his own book, “Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs.”

 

Reach the reporter at jrpallas@asu.edu