After much deliberation, I have decided to retire from higher education.
Effective this coming May, I will complete my bachelor’s degree and transition into the job market via the troubled waters that are the real life experience, while gleefully saying goodbye to any other academic pursuits.
I’ve learned my lesson.
Many will look towards master’s, doctorate and law degrees to set them apart from the herd, but I am content with my humble (and technically still forthcoming) degree of accomplishment.
Others in similar situations might look upon this move into the working sector through anxious eyes.
I have been there and done that: Having kept many of the uniforms from previous employers, it would be fair to assume that I have the T-shirts to prove it as well.
In these final few months of my less than stellar academic career, the opportunities to market myself to any would-be employers are all around. In the digital age, they are literally at my fingertips.
It is worth noting that the idea of “working for a living” seems so 20th century.
I don’t want “a job” per se, I want to get paid to be me – free to do as I please.
This should not be looked at as a disservice to my qualifications. Like most, I can justify my sense of entitlement: I’m American by birth.
Since my first job as a paperboy at 14, I have gone on to have more than 40 different jobs. I’m done working as a puppet. I’m ready for management, ownership even: I’m ready to pull strings.
I’m more an “idea man” now, a motivator of souls.
Such entrepreneurial spirit requires start-up fees, anticipated overhead and health insurance.
This is where you come in.
One-time donors and long-term investors should be comforted to know that their money will be well spent by me.
I have a low cost of living while still maintaining a healthy and vibrant stimulation to the local community’s economy.
With your help, I’ll not only be able to maintain my current lifestyle, but I’ll also be able to redirect the time and talents otherwise wasted working 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. for “the Man.”
After a frank discussion with a trusted adviser, I decided that it might be unwise for me to give anything too specific away in this announcement.
Suffice it to say that I have a wide range of concepts worth following up on.
Serious inquiries only, please. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity that should be approached as such.
Understandably, there may be some hesitation on your part to contribute to a virtual nobody. Given the circumstances, I might be inclined to agree with you.
I’ve lived at sea, managed million-dollar accounts, answered phones, cleaned toilets and was once a proud sandwich artist.
There isn’t much I can’t do. Hire me, you’ll see.
This is adventure capital of the 21st century at its finest.
Reach the columnist at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow him at @JOMOFO40
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