10 ways to do finals week the wrong way

Photo by Pauletta Tohonnie

Photo by Pauletta Tohonnie

1.Drinking the night before exams

Nothing says “finals week” quite like knocking back a few with friends. Alcohol really stimulates the brain and definitely makes you feel great the next day, so students looking to do well on their final exams should definitely take advantage of that fridge full of beer and wine coolers. Pull out those shot glasses because the sure-fire key to success is having a hangover for exams!

Walking into that 9 a.m. final the next day with your sunglasses on inside the building, you’ll feel entirely prepared for the exam because studying the curvature of the toilet as you were vomiting the night before counts as studying for your very last exams of the semester.

 

 

2.Pull an all-nighter

When you wake up that Sunday morning and feel that shock of panic course through your veins that tells you that your most difficult final is the next day, be sure to lay in bed and catch up on Netflix, because the way to ace an exam is to study all night and do nothing all day. Pulling an all-nighter is a college tradition so you might as well do it to prepare for your final and not crack open any course material until 10 p.m.. Your mother and teachers were all wrong when they said that the key to success is getting a night of restful sleep.

The black and grey bags under your eyes the next day are flattering, and will cause your classmates to find you more attractive and really show that you are prepared for the exam. Don’t worry about the headache that you have, it’s not from the espresso you drank to keep yourself awake all night, it’s all of that knowledge crammed into your head waiting to explode onto the Scantron.

Cramming an entire semester of work and knowledge into one night is never a bad idea, and should be done the night before every final.

 

Photo by Pauletta Tohonnie

Photo by Pauletta Tohonnie

3.Why Study?

You’ve been present and breathing in class all semester, that’s good enough! You shouldn’t study because you know everything that happened all semester long without forgetting even the smallest of details. Even if you have a borderline grade, you shouldn’t risk looking back over your notes, because it could just clear things up for you that you are confused about, and who would want that?

Don’t but any extra time into these exams, you’ve worked hard all semester and now is the time to just lay back and cross your fingers for a passing grade.

4. Over Study

Everyone knows that the best way to prepare for a test is to do nothing other than study. You should live, eat and breathe your textbook, make piles and piles of notecards and don’t dare leave your room for this thing people call “fun.”

If you do nothing but study for the entire week before your test, you won’t be tired or strung-out or an overall unpleasant person, you’ll be a success.

The caffeine drip you will undoubtedly have yourself on over the week before finals will not make you feel sick at all, you’ll feel fabulous. Don’t listen to anyone when they tell you to take a break, breaks and relieving some stress won’t do you any sort of good.

5. Not Eating

“Brain food” is not a thing. You’re too stressed out to eat. You won’t get weak and tired from not eating, you’ll develop a super power that allows you to feel fantastic.

Plus, it’s the end of the semester, almost time to head home and head out. You’re getting tight on money, so you should just pump your stomach full of Starbucks coffee and not bother wasting time on food, it won’t help anyway.

6. Ditching class the week before

You know, why is there even class the week before finals? You don’t need to go, because this is college and it’s not like you’re really going to learn anything that last week. Your professor won’t spend time answering questions, giving new material and making sure you understand what is going on.

Ignore the syllabus when it says you are going over the last chapter of material, it’s lying! Ditch class and get some shut-eye, after all you’ve worked hard all semester, it’s okay to miss this unimportant week.

7. Review sessions

Review sessions are not helpful. You don’t gain a better understanding, you don’t feel more comfortable with the material, and you will not walk into your test feeling more confident.

Whether it be a review session your professor holds, or a review session that you get a notification for from those pesky online tutors, just ignore it, it won’t help you to perform better on your exam.

You’re busy studying for the exam anyway, you have no time to go study material straight from your professor who has likely seen the exam and taught the class for many years, that’s just a silly idea.

Photo by Pauletta Tohonnie

Photo by Pauletta Tohonnie

8. Procrastinate

Everybody knows that the key to success is putting everything off until the very last possible minute. Why should studying for the most important exams of the semester be any different?

It’s not like you can read the syllabus and see exactly when it is to give yourself time to prepare. You are much better off waiting until the morning of to look over those notes. You and that photographic memory of yours will be just fine waiting until the last second, and you will feel totally confident walking in to the exam and reading the first question.

9. Be distracted

Now is the time to social network. The best thing you can do to ace your finals is read your Twitter feed, because seeing pictures of cute puppies will definitely help with at least one of your exam questions.

You should go on Instagram and look at what people are eating, and pictures of their books and Starbucks cup as they study, because you deserve to relax after this long semester.

Be sure to go out every day, and make time for any person that wants to “chill” with you, “chilling” will really prepare you for your exam.

Go on your computer and Google every random thought you’ve ever had, and while you’re on that computer don’t you dare look at your notes from the semester in an attempt to study, you’ll be fine.

Photo by Pauletta Tohonnie

Photo by Pauletta Tohonnie

10. Study Groups

Why would you want to study with people from your class? You see them a couple of times a week and that is good enough, right? Right! They couldn’t possibly have the answers to your questions and I’m sure they weren’t there on the days you missed, so why bother?

People from your class won’t be of any use to you, be sure to not form a study group with them and avoid their texts and Facebook group postings until finals are over-they will not be able to help you.

Reach the writer at alexa.dangelo@ asu.edu