I can’t wait until I’m an old man.

I can already see myself gathering my grandchildren around and telling them about the time I shared the court with LeBron, Wade and KG.

But I’ll be sure to leave out the part about the other five hundred reporters who were on the court too.

Yes, on Saturday, I was part of the media blitz that bombarded the Phoenix Convention Center for the NBA All-Star practice.

After making my way past security and onto the crowded court, I didn’t know what to do.

So I just kept walking straight and stuck my voice recorder into the grill of the first famous person I could find. Saturday, that happened to be Phil Jackson.

He’s tall.

When I got to him, he was surrounded by about four or five reporters and had just been asked if any of the all-stars would make a good coach.

“I’ve been saying I don’t think any all-stars will make good coaches,” Jackson said. “That’s not what you think of when you think of NBA coaches. NBA coaches are guys more likely that had to struggle to find a way, that had to play a role and had to understand that role players have a way in this league.”

Out of today’s all-stars, though, he said he could see Chauncey Billups being a coach down the road.

I asked, “What about Nash?”

He didn’t hear me. Or at least he pretended not to. Whatever.

After that, I made my way over to Chris Bosh.

He, too, is tall.

I asked him how he was doing, and he actually heard me. I wished him a speedy recovery (in large part because he’s on my fantasy team) and made my way on through the sea.

Next, I saw Dwight Howard. There was this crazy reporter all up on him, marveling at Dwight’s biceps. I think he even bit Dwight’s arm after getting carried away. It was weird. Dwight was a good sport, though.

“I’m thinking about growing an afro,” Howard told the crazy guy. “I want to be taller than Yao Ming.”

Speaking of Yao Ming, I’ve come to the conclusion that he is not a human being. There’s just no other explanation. If anyone can make Shaq look normal-sized, he must be an alien.

After that I stumbled upon Devin Harris. He looks like a kid. Of all the people I saw, I think he and Mo Williams looked smaller in person than they do on TV, and Danny Granger is way bigger in person.

Dwyane Wade was the next fellow I came across, and I got there right when someone asked him about his new teammate Jermaine O’Neal.

“He gives us an all-star caliber center,” Wade said. “But he gives us someone on both ends of the floor who is a force. The biggest thing we’ve got to do is gel as soon as possible.”

Right after that, the buzzer sounded, meaning all of us annoying media folk had to get off the court so the East could start its practice.

Before I could get off, though, I gave LeBron a nice little pat on the shoulder. He probably didn’t even feel it, but I thought I’d do it for good measure.

Cleveland’s coach, Mike Brown, was mic’d up for the East practice. They did some half-speed, half-court plays before breaking off into two teams for a competition.

Dwight and LeBron were captains, and they picked teams for contest to see who could be the first to make 10 college threes.

LeBron had first pick and he took Ray Allen. Dwight took Rashard Lewis.

Eventually, team LeBron featured Ray Ray, Granger, Mo, KG and Allen Iverson. Team Dwight had Lewis, Paul Pierce, Wade, Harris and Joe Johnson.

LeBron’s team totally cheated in the first round of the best-of-five series, and they had to start it over again.

After the restart, team Dwight took round one before team LeBron won games two and three. Wade won round four in controversial fashion. Team LeBron insisted they sunk basket No. 10 before Wade did, but Brown sided with team Dwight.

It’s all good, though; KG won game five for team LeBron with a sweet jumper from the top of the key.

After that, they did a couple more crowd-pleasing shenanigans before leaving.

They each took three turns trying to make half-court shots, but Johnson and some assistant coach were the only ones who made it.

There was about a 30-minute break before the West came out, and it couldn’t have happened any faster.

The hype man who tried to get the crowd all pumped up was pretty annoying and eventually started getting booed a little bit.

Finally the West came out for its practice, which was rather underwhelming.

Jackson had the players start by jogging up and down the floor in groups of four, spread out across the court. Kobe and Shaq seemed to be having a great time, laughing and talking the entire time.

It was funny to look at the players while they were doing this, though. Chris Paul looked over to Kobe as if to say, “What the hell are we doing?” Kobe just threw up his hands and mouthed, “I don’t know.”

Eventually, they started shooting around and making layups before practicing plays for about five minutes. Save for the fact that I was watching the world’s greatest, it was honestly pretty boring.

Finally, in the most entertaining part of practice, Shaq started taking free throws blindfolded. By my count, he went 3-of-14, just below his lifetime average.

Reach the reporter at alex.espinoza@asu.edu.