Did you hear? Kobe and Shaq are “on” again. The more important question is: Did you care?

Since professional sports are now officially soap operas, let’s dive in and treat them as such.

Did you see the green Knicks jersey Nate Robinson wore to the dunk contest? Sooo last fall. Who’s dressing him now, Andy Dick?

Can you believe A-Rod took drugs? What a train wreck. I heard that A-Rod and Amy Winehouse had a steroid/heroin party in a London flat on Valentine’s Day while Jose Canseco stood outside in the rain pouting and pleading with A-Rod to “come down and work things out.”

Can we get back to a place where sports are just sports? If I have to watch Tony Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon discuss the relevance of Shaq and Kobe’s relationship, as if the NBA were Melrose Place, I’m going to have to start actually watching soccer.

DiMaggio and Mantle hated each other but weren’t analyzed with more scrutiny than most people look at their own relationships, which is the troubled state of sports seen today.

Hit homeruns, nail 3-pointers and win Super Bowls, and if by some stretch we catch a shot of Kobe and Shaq sneaking a kiss at the free-throw line, I’ll be the first to call Perez Hilton.