One of the more wonderful things about Arizona State University is our administration’s resilience when facing difficult situations.

Last fall, the Memorial Union was somehow — don’t look at me — set ablaze, and instead of rolling over and finishing the job the vandals (or klutzes) had started, university administration bravely allocated millions of dollars to the rebuilding of the MU. Now, we have a corny restaurant, a shin-high performance stage, and the quivering anticipation of a transparent green shade structure to show for it.

Just think: One day, you could be eating your sustainable bologna on cage-free sourdough, watching a band play — or rather, the tops of their heads, since there would probably be people standing between you and the stage — and basking in green, slightly cooler than normal, sunlight. Is there any better way to prove that your student body is “green” than by coloring them so?

The torrent of this past Thursday brought similar adversity — and with it, opportunity. All over ASU, trees are down, gravel is washed this way and that, and flooding has damaged residence halls.

There are also emotional costs; for example, my roommate Patrick cowered under his bed while I stood on the porch, challenging the storm to fisticuffs. We haven’t spoken since Thursday.

While I never got the chance to tousle with thunder and lightning, ASU leaders are pouncing to win back the hearts and minds of students discouraged by the destruction waylaid upon their campus by mere rain and wind. Already, projects are being planned to repair the damage, and then some.

For example, on Friday morning the brand-new practice facility for the football team, rung up at over eight million dollars, was at first mistaken for a downed blimp by maintenance workers. The solution that the athletic department has come up with is as practical as it is simple: In case of bad weather, the new practice facility — a large inflatable dome — will be folded up by a team of twenty men and stored in a clarinet case.

The issue of flooded dorms caused a similar alarm, but the solution is equally affordable. Hammocks (“Sustainable Dormitory Arrangements”) and galoshes.

The ingenuity of administrators to come up with such inexpensive remedies for the most pressing inconveniences caused by the storm have left them with money to focus on new projects which will improve the look and function of campus, rather than simply rebuild it.

For example, starting next fall, incoming freshman will be able to access a new service by paying a small, albeit large, fee. The service? A personal, full-time string quartet, supplied by “volunteers” from the music college.

As part of the same program, no freshman girl will ever feel lonely again with the Nightly Serenading Corps. Since most dorm windows don’t open, state-of-the-art intercom and tele-screen systems are being installed. Creative writing majors are expected to join the program for the recitation of sonnets.

Reactions are mixed. “Well, I’ve always jumped at the chance to perform,” said senior tenor Clyde Funay, who sucked on a raw potato during our interview. “But I sure would like to be paid. Well, a gig’s a gig.”

Many are calling attention to the fact that these new projects will be rather expensive, and not enough money exists to pay for them as of yet.

To combat this setback, ASU will soon be opening the Tragedy Research Institute, which will focus on exploiting future situations and making them profitable.

Kevin King can be contacted to perform sonnets at kevin.r.king@asu.edu