I’ve never been into sports.

Growing up as a chubby kid, my parents forced me into them. Soccer required too much running. I never once got a hit in softball. I broke my pinky in basketball.

Since my parents didn’t believe it was broken, a Popsicle stick and a piece of tape left my pinky permanently misshapen and unable to move properly.

I’ve had a rough time with sports.

It was of great surprise, then, to me when I became completely infatuated with this year’s Olympics. But last week’s closing ceremonies left me with a few questions. Here are seven for your consideration:

Michael Phelps: Great Olympic champion or greatest Olympic champion?
Actually, NBC has already decided for me. He is the most decorated Olympic athlete of all time, so he must be the best.

Nevermind the fact that he participates in a sport that enables him to win a medal for each race he takes part in — he left this country breathless and you should be thankful for Michael Phelps!

Note to self: Be more like random man interviewed on the street who said he was trembling 10 minutes after Phelps’ last race.

Is Usain Bolt taking some kind of drug?

The goofy, showy fastest man of all time might have a little help on his side. He might be taking a drug, although I don’t think they’re performance enhancing. He certainly looks too relaxed on that track.

Hint: he’s from Jamaica. Just a thought.

Seriously Christina, what the hell are you doing with your life?

Most of these athletes are under 21 years old and have various sponsorships. What have you ever done with your life? Type, type, type away at a keyboard? That won’t ever get you a medal. Stupid. Stupid!

Shawn Johnson: adorable or rabid?

I don’t know for sure, but I think it was that question that gave her an advantage in this year’s gymnastics. Pros: doe-eyed, miniature, flexible, ability to store nuts for cold Iowa winters. Cons: possible fleas.

Just how much acid did the guy behind the opening and closing ceremonies take?

My guess is just a tad, but it was his first time. How else would he get Jimmy Page to close the games?

Why does Nastia Liukin hate smiles and laughter?

Cheer up, babydoll! The Chinese gymnast who got away with your gold is probably underage. While that investigation is pending, maybe you could eat some ice cream or something. Or baby harp seals. Whatever.

Béla, will you be my second dad? Or at least marry me?

Sports correspondent Bob Costas is always trying to one-up uber-lovable gymnastics expert Béla Károlyi.

Why you gotta keep a brotha down, Costas? Let a Romanian say his piece about gymnastics without interrogating him and secretly making fun of his too-short pants with your eyes. Jealous much, Mr. 5 foot 7 inches? I should say so!

Have questions yourself? Together, you and Christina can solve any Olympic dilemma. E-mail her at christina.caldwell@asu.edu.