In what can be viewed as a response to ASU’s recent fall from grace as one of the top party schools in the country, the athletics department announced on Wednesday that it will be making some game-day “enhancements” for the upcoming football season.

Starting next year, tailgating hours will be extended by 90 minutes, and ASU will sell beer and wine in the loge and suite levels of the stadium.

Last season, I personally witnessed the following events in lot 59: A truck driven by a drunken girl running over a VW Beetle and countless alcoholically poisoned students being taken from the lot on stretchers.

I remember thinking, “Something’s wrong here.”

Then it occurred to me: What these people need is 90 extra minutes to see how much more Busch Light, and $12 jugs of vodka they can cram into their bloodstream. Eureka!

As a longtime party animal, I salute the decision. Let’s bring ASU back to the top of that famed list of schools where BAC and GPA are both hovering around a .18.

And let’s be honest, the fewer people that actually remember games like last year’s UNLV debacle, the more secure Dennis Erickson’s job. Cheers!