I think I’m getting old.

In my junior high years, I would watch MTV at all times of the day. But much like those Long Island Iced Teas I had this weekend, MTV’s recent mind numbing effects are too much for me to take.

Yet last Sunday night was an exception to my no MTV rule — it was the night of the Video Music Awards.

Since I have such fond memories of reenacting them with my junior high friends and a karaoke machine, I felt obligated to watch.

Being that this year’s host was the awesomely awkward and strangely sexy British (former) junkie Russell Brand, I felt good about my VMA watching experience.

I first fell in love with Brand on Comedy Central way back in the day. More recently, he has been thrust into the limelight in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” as the rock star boyfriend of the movie’s namesake. He was brilliant in the movie, and surely he’d be brilliant hosting the VMA’s.

As it turns out, people of all ages thought Brand completely bombed his act that night. It was hard to hear the giggles of discomfort coming from the crowd as Brand made jokes about President Bush, the Jonas Brothers and a particularly harsh one about Madonna involving a baseball bat. Think about it.

The following day, news coverage of the comedian made his name go from practically unknown to the center of a slow news day controversy.

And most people weren’t too fond of his humor.

How dare he make fun of our beloved president by calling him “that retarded cowboy fellow.” As Conan O’Brien put it the following night on his show, “People got upset, because, of course, everyone knows the correct term is ‘special needs cowboy.’”

Sure, Brand’s humor from across the pond might be especially unappealing considering his nation of birth, but since when is this country afraid of a Bush joke? If the same joke were made on “The Daily Show” there wouldn’t have been a problem.

Brand also poked fun at one of this nation’s most beloved treasures, the Jonas Brothers.

I don’t know if I just puked because of the Long Island Iced Teas or because I just sold my soul with that last sentence.

The Jonas Brothers — spawn of the Disney manufacturing factory along with Hannah Montana, Lizzie McGuire, High School Musical and whatever other show that’s made me consider suicide in the past several years — wear purity rings.

In other words, the Jonas Brothers, adorably clad in skin-tight jeans, are saving themselves for the big J.C. Sorry to all of the 13-year-old ladies reading out there.

I think it’s awesome the Jonas Brothers are saving themselves. More power to them. But like Brand said, it’s a shame. They could have any woman they wanted (under 17) and still they choose to save themselves for a man who died 2008 years ago.

It’s a cool and gutsy move.

I can’t help but think, though, the rings are just another marketing ploy geared toward adults buying their little girls Jonas Brothers albums and t-shirts.

“Yeah, we’re super cute and wear tight pants, but we don’t want to sleep with your daughter. Big ups to Jesus!”

Yeah, that’s surely the underlying message there.

When Valley native Jordan Sparks decided to give Brand a piece of her mind by showing off her own purity ring, the show was pretty much over. It was a Debbie Downer moment, and an unnecessary one at that — I could have guessed Sparks was a virgin. My “virgdar” is quite strong.

Combine an uncharacteristically horrible performance by a monster-clad Rihanna with Lil’ Wayne grabbing his testicles on television for an entire eight minutes and a Britney Spears “comeback,” the show was doomed from the start — Spears has that effect on things. Brand was the bright spot.

So, you see, I will continue to adore Brand and all of the glorious one-liners he hides in that awesomely messy coif of his.

Reach the reporter at christina.caldwell@asu.edu.