Aside from a few shining moments (Y2K not happening, the 2001 World Series, the first five seasons of “Lost,” the creation of YouTube and Samuel L. Jackson’s famous line in “Snakes on a Plane”), this decade has been one disappointment after another. Looking back, the hype of a magical millennium of the unimaginable ultimately fizzled. It’s almost 2010 — where’s our space odyssey?

In other words, swine may have flu, but pigs didn’t fly.

Indeed, our coming-of-age decade largely fell flat. I mean, first off, it doesn’t even have a name — the zeroes, the aughts, the 2Ks or the whatevers are less inspiring than an Enrique Iglesias-penned ballad.

Along with the blemish of not delivering the new-millenium goods — there are no flying cars, robot butlers or four-course meals in pill form — the late-2000s “FAIL” meme was spot on for the times.

Fortunately, in two months, this decade will be over and we’ll get to start fresh.

(Yes, I know the technicality police will say the new decade doesn’t start until 2011, but on the grounds of common sense, I choose to ignore them. Would you say 1990 was part of the ’80s? Of course you wouldn’t. It’s the same difference.)

There’s no way we can screw up two straight decades, right?

If the powers that be follow my game plan, a quality decade is in the bag. Here’s a wish list of things I desire before 2020:

• The release of a line of fluffy Ugg boots catering to men — or, as I call them, Muggs.

• A new decade for President Crow means a new ‘New’ plan — I’m hoping for the New Intergalactic University plan. The modified catchphrase “One University on Many Celestial Bodies” could be launched with the opening of a true satellite campus — ASU Moon. If we have to change Sun Devils to Moon Devils to make this happen, so be it.

• Kanye letting someone finish.

• The creation of — and subsequent bailout of — the Citi Mutual of America Fargo Bank, presented by JP Morgan. I don’t really hope for this, but it’s always good to hope for the best, expect the worst — it’ll take the sting off later.

• More children named Falcon, fewer children in balloons.

• Any of the following transport options: Jetsons cars, the Coast-to-Coaster system (literally, a line of massive roller coasters from sea to shining sea), lazy-river highways and/or personal Pokéballs.

• One thing we didn’t get in this outgoing decade: a Rose Bowl berth.

• The expansion of the Metro light rail system. Instead of shuttling riders between nowhere and nowhere, the new hotly anticipated routes would finally enable passengers to travel between nowhere and a little bit further than nowhere.

• A Geico ad campaign that doesn’t make me want to compress my head into a jelly.

• The following pop-culture mega events: Sequels like “Star Wars, Episode VII: Hey Everybody, Throw Your Money at George Lucas” and “D4: The Mighty Ducks;” a 98 Degrees reunion tour; no more Lady Gaga songs; TV shows like the thrilling “Jack Bauer Wrestles Dozens of Grizzly Bears,” and the game show of perpetual winning, “Are You Smarter than an Octomom?”

• Nothing at all, specifically during the year 2012, in reference to the Mayan calendar.

• Palin children by the names of: Trapper Keeper, Driftwood, Tonka, Window, Rabbit, Sabertooth, Optimus Prime and Breadfruit.

• Health care reform getting through Congress. On second thought, another 10 years might be rushing it. Sorry, Congress, I’ll hold my horses. I suppose there’s always next next-decade anyhow.

Convince President Nader and VP Perot to withdraw troops from the Swiss War of 2016 at bberkley@asu.edu.