I made the first move.
Heart pounding, I smoothed my hair away from my clammy forehead, honed in on my girl crush and began my approach.
It was the Cronkite School Welcome, and I had been left to fend for myself in the vast jungle of confident broadcasters and poised journalists.
The title of loner can be ditched by taking the first step.Photo by Mike Brilliant
While most attendees had the added safety net of their roommate, mine had decided to pass on the event, leaving me feeling like I was wearing a giant Post-It on my back with the word “LONER” etched in jet black permanent marker.
I saw them from afar. Two girls — obviously freshmen — their gold lanyards strung around their neck like neon “OPEN” signs. I casually strolled over to where they were sitting, plopped myself on the nearest chair and dropped my line:
“Hey, what do you guys do for fun around here?”
Simple, friendly and a conversation-starter. I had successfully mastered the first technique of Girl Flirting. With these tips from a self-proclaimed expert, making friends (and keeping them) will be as easy as spotting a freshman on the Light Rail.
Making the First Move
Compliments are the universal language of females. As long as they are genuine, we melt in their presence, automatically intrigued by the girl who has graced us with such a beautiful gift.
Use and abuse this power to your advantage. Instead of getting jealous of that super- cool girl on the street with impeccable style, walk up to her and ask her where she acquired her taste.
Exhibit A:
“I just HAD to ask you where you got your shoes. They are stunning!” There is such thing as flattery overload — but trust the expert, in small doses, this works, and it works well.
Not in a situation that would allow you to scope out your future BFF’s outfit choices? No worries. Girl Flirting is possible anywhere. Here are some more locations:
The Classroom: Sitting next to them during a boring sociology lecture? Point out (quietly, of course) your professor’s quirky hand gestures, and gauge your flirting partner’s reaction. A stifled giggle = success. A curt smile and an overly obvious scoot to the edge of her chair = fail.
If this unlikely event occurs, don’t fret. Stay calm and abort the mission. Out of the 70,000- plus students at ASU, there are hoards of other potential Girl Flirt soulmates that will understand your unique sense of humor.
Starbucks: Kill two birds with one stone in this popular hangout for independent girls looking for a quick caffeine fix. A long line is a perfect excuse to chat up the zombie in front of you who looks like she could use a quintuple shot of espresso.
Here’s your chance to be as cheesy as possible. Tell the barista, “I’ll have what she’s having.” Once you catch her attention, follow up with, “You look exactly how I feel.” Add a casual chuckle to let her know it’s all in good fun.
Yes, it’s snarky, it’s engaging, and if all goes well (fingers crossed), she’ll be so intrigued by your comment that she’ll feel compelled to ask why. Then naturally, the conversation will flow from there.
A simple compliment can go a long way.Photo by Mike Brilliant
The Cafeteria: Notice a girl who looks like she desperately wants to girl flirt? Invite her to sit with you at lunch. Crack a joke: “Hey, come sit with me! On Friday’s we wear gold.” There’s nothing wrong with a little “Mean Girls” action, as long as you aren’t one.
Keeping the Convo Flowing
It is absolutely essential that every Girl Flirt In-Training (GFIT) is well versed in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.” You know it, love it, cry when you watch it, and wish that you could have the same sophistication, whimsical attitude and style of Holly Golightly.
It’s a safe bet that the girl you have your eye on has some sort ofAudreyHepburninspired décor hanging in her dorm. So why not bond over this common interest?
Making an emotional connection right off the bat gives the impression that you’re looking for more than just a one- night chat.*
A sincere attitude and a genuine smile go a long way in the tedious world of fleeting emotional connections. It’s a sure way to be invited back for another conversation in the future. At the very least, you’ll be remembered as one of those rare breeds of females: girls who know what they want and are cool enough to go after it.
Having a Plan B
If unforeseen circumstances arise,alwayshaveaPlanBwhen engaging in girl flirting. When the conversation reaches that awkward last giggle, backup conversations are a vital tool to keep in your back pocket. Glide effortlessly from a dwindling chat about the cute guy in Italian class to a question about what’s happening around campus this weekend. This back-up may seem like a spastic way to keep up the convo, but if the other party seems interested and she shows a welcoming smile (be sure to look out for fangs), you’ll be well on your way to the next step in creating a long-lasting friendship.
Closing the Deal
Here it comes. The dreaded last step in the game — getting their number.
Getting the number can be difficult, but go forth with confidence.Photo by Mike Brilliant
I’ll let you in on a little-known fact. You can never have too many friends, acquaintances or otherwise.
Another secret? It’s stupid to be nervous. These girls you’re desperately trying to make friends with are desperate for friends too, guaranteed. Like spiders, they’re more scared of you than you are of them. Making the first move doesn’t make you look desperate; it proves you’re confident, brave and genuine — three excellent qualities in a friend.
So go ahead, ask them for their digits. That’s what I did on that dreaded first day of Fall Welcome. Now one of my closest friends here, a girl I approached, told me she actually wanted to meet me (she was impressed by my skillfully applied red lipstick), but was too afraid to make the first move.
I ask you this, fellow GFIT’s: what’s the worst that can happen? Answer: nothing.
You practice, you review this How-To, you move on to the next target.
*Attention: Emotional connection does not mean bawling about your ex, scrolling through month old text messages, and asking for advice on how to respond to his ambiguous “Yeah.”
Reach the writer at ljlieber@asu.edu
