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'Party in the U.S.A.' feat. Rand Paul a match made in rally heaven

From Iowa to New Hampshire, North Carolina to Ohio, these songs should ring across this great country, heralding the arrival of 2016.

US NEWS RANDPAUL-MARIJUANA 2 ABA
Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) speaks as Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.) and Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.) look on during a press conference to discuss "The Compassionate Access, Research Expansion and Respect States (CARERS) Act" on Tuesday, March 10, 2015, in Washington, D.C. The legislation would prevent the federal government from prosecuting medical marijuana users in states where it is legal. (Olivier Douliery/Abaca Press/TNS)

For presidential hopefuls, selecting a campaign song sets the tone of rallies, and the campaign, to come. A successful rally playlist will have a specific song associated with the candidate and a number of other songs that follow a similar theme, achieving a well-rounded music repertoire that encourages rowdy political partying and massive check writing from wealthy donors. Ideally, the song will be upbeat, and one that the politician feels a personal connection to and can use to gain momentum. Having a thought-out song can mean the difference between a successful campaign and a terrible one.

On the 2012 campaign trail, musical selections ranged from Romney’s choice, Toby Keith’s “American Ride,” to Ron Paul strolling on stage to the ominous tune of the “Imperial March” — a song generally reserved for the masked face of a charbroiled Jedi Knight who’d grown mad with power before stumbling to the dark side of the Force. Neither politician achieved the success they’d advertised at rallies and debates, and they never mastered the art of the power playlist.

With 2016 election bids being announced, we can only wonder which songs will join these politicians on the heated campaign trail. If the candidates are searching for suggestions that will bypass potential public relations blunders or millennial alienation, they should look no further than this list.

Ted Cruz: "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue" 

Ted Cruz, the first person to announce his candidacy, is far from being the current front-runner. He may have nipped accusations of Canadian citizenship faster than Obama did when accused of being Kenyan (Or maybe liberals just let things go of petty things faster — to-MAY-to, to-MAH-to). Cruz needs to focus on solidifying his American identity and this Toby Keith bar-jam is sure to do just that.

Rand Paul: "Party in the U.S.A."

Is there any family in the U.S. that loves freedom more than the Paul family? Rand, determined not to leave the U.S. without a Paul option for 2016, announced he would throw his hat into the presidential race and called on American “liberty lovers” to help him get there. With Miley Cyrus’s 2010 hit “Party in the U.S.A.” blaring at every rally as he walks onstage, Paul would get the message across that he’s got an undeniable love affair with liberty — and he wants you to have one, too.

Hillary Clinton: "What Dreams Are Made Of"

When her momentous campaign began losing steam just before the Iowa Caucus in early '08 — which then led to her now infamous “moment of weakness” — the U.S. was not ready for Hillary. Now, to no one’s surprise, Clinton is back, ready to shine and currently unopposed for the Democratic nomination. No one else but the highest glass ceiling demolition derby frontrunner stands a chance at burrito-bowling her way to the hearts of millennial voters. Clinton’s best bet for a catchy, relevant tune is to channel a fellow Hilary and live out her wildest dreams (Paolo’s not invited). Hey now, hey now, 2016 Hillary is what dreams are made of.

Marco Rubio: "Roman Revenge"

Rubio, a self-proclaimed Nicki Minaj fan (he also digs EDM), shouldn't leave one of Minaj's hits off of his rally playlist. Using “Roman’s Revenge” as his main campaign song would be a bold move, but the anger in Roman’s voice would show a few things: That Rubio is here, he’s ready to get down to business and that he’s been a Minaj fan since she the very beginning. That kind of dedication is something to be respected — but will his hip music taste earn him the coveted millennial vote? Only time will tell.

We hope, above all the writing and politicking of this announcement season, that candidates think about what's important this campaign season: entertaining the rabid masses of ultra-liberal or ultra-conservative attendees at campaign rallies. From Iowa to New Hampshire, North Carolina to Ohio, these songs should ring across this great country, heralding the arrival of 2016.

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