This past weekend, my boyfriend and I took a trip to California. We ate out multiple times at various restaurants in the Los Angeles area and I began to notice the bill was always handed to him at the end of the meal. While it was only a slight gesture from the server, it began to irritate me more and more throughout the weekend.
We tend to alternate when paying for meals and, as far as I am concerned, that is not uncommon anymore. Even the instances where I would grab the check and slide my bright pink debit card (that features a picture of myself on the front) into the plastic slip, the black casing would be returned to him.
I began to feel disrespected by the action. Aware of how petty the entire situation was, I started to dissect why something so minute was eliciting such a strong response from me.
I was positive my waiter and/or waitress had too many things on their plate — quite literally — to go out of their way to offend me. So for it to bother me as much as it did seemed irrational.
Five or six meals in, however, it clicked: the fact that the servers were not doing it intentionally was the issue.
For years past, we have been conditioned to believe that a man is to take care of his woman financially. Men pay for first dates. Men pay for movie tickets. Men pay for dinner. And when they do not, the phrase “chivalry is dead” tends to follow suit.
Chivarly is so dead this generation its so sad.
— Simone (@sooooClancy) August 5, 2015
Even with the progressive generation we find ourselves in today, we are still unable to (entirely) shed the mindset that a woman can foot the bill without it being considered disrespectful.
Now, this does not go to say that pursuing equal treatment diminishes the appeal or necessity of gentleman-like conduct. It is about redefining what society deems ladylike and what it means to a conceptually-evolving society.
Holding doors, pulling out chairs, giving flowers — these actions maintain an old-fashioned approach in a respectful manner. The words “lovely” and “beautiful” are timeless compliments, never to be trampled on by activists.
Assuming that men are required to pay for everything in order to be considered a man is the outdated concept at hand.
By paying for those meals previously mentioned, I do not obtain a sense of masculinity. I do not consider it taking care of or financially supporting my partner. Nor do I feel as though I have been disrespected by handing my debit card over to the server.
I maintain the ideal that a relationship is an equal partnership in all respects and if this means I pay for dates, movie tickets and meals on occasion, then so be it. We live in an evolving society that is not always conducive with tradition and it is well past time we start adapting to it.
Until then, however, I will continue placing my pink, smiling debit card into the plastic slip. I will continue filling out and signing the receipt. And, most importantly, I will continue allowing myself to believe that an equal partnership is not evidence that chivalry is dead — but proof that the term, much like our society, has evolved.
Related Links:
Students say ASU application leads to gender discrimination
Former U.S. Civil Rights Commission chairwoman tells students to continue fight for equality
Reach the columnist at rblumen2@asu.edu or follow @500wordsofrayne on Twitter.
Editor’s note: The opinions presented in this column are the author’s and do not imply any endorsement from The State Press or its editors.
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