Love, Flings and Other Things: I Watched A Date Go Horribly Wrong and All I Got Was A $2 Tip.
When I’m not fawning over my boyfriend, I’m working at a pizzeria in downtown Phoenix. It’s a lovely little restaurant and the highlight of working there is being able to
watch potential lovers on their first dates.
This weekend we had a winner. I watched from behind the cash
register a young man- probably 22 or so- waiting on the bench outside with
flowers in hand. It was 7:50 p.m. so I’m assuming that their date was set for
8pm. The girl didn't arrive until 8:45pm after an hour of watching this poor
guy continuously check his watch.
I’m an avid over-thinker and I was already analyzing this
date to the ground. That’s one strike for her. How can you possibly be 45 minutes late
without a call, text or apology? One of the coolest things a girl could be is
on time. Be reliable. Guys HATE waiting, just like everyone else, especially if they’re about to blow
the last of their paycheck on dinner.
They ordered pizza and wine. I
didn’t think anything of it until I saw the girl chug her glass like she was
taking a shot at a frat party. I couldn’t help but shoot her date a wide-eyed
look of concern. He hesitated, but calmly asked me to bring out another round. That night, I sure got a work out because I went back to the table seven more
times with wine in hand. By 9 p.m. she kicked off her shoes and was slurring her
words.
All she could do was laugh and give nonsensical answers to
his questions. He tried talking about religion, politics, life after death, and tried taking a shot at connecting over the Kardashians, but his date
didn’t take the bait. She sat uninterested and drunk, only to comment a single word and a
yawn every now and then. Strike two.
He was a real trooper, eventually breaking out a few corny jokes,
but she didn’t appreciate them (meanwhile I was laughing from behind the
counter.)
I felt bad for the dude. He finally resorted to small talk
about the weather, when she said “my ex-boyfriend loved the rain. We used to
walk in the rain all the time. He dropped me off here actually.” WHAT? That’s
like, the first rule of dating. Don’t bring up your exes! STRIKE. THREE.
If you talk about your ex, especially unprovoked by your new
love interest, that pretty much implies that you’re not over them and you’re
looking for a rebound. I can’t believe she admitted to being with him right
before their date. No wonder she was so late…
Needless to say, there was no goodnight kiss as the two
parted to their cars. And don’t worry about the girl drinking and driving … her
ex was there to pick her up. Three strikes… she was totally out.