Love, Flings and Other Things: Don't Judge


I’m all for girl-power and independence, which is why I’m writing this from Phoenix while my life-long friends, family and boyfriend are in New York. But I’m worried that some people are taking independence a bit too seriously.

This weekend someone criticized me for watching football with my boyfriend even though I hate football. They said that I’m changing my personality and losing my independence by succumbing to the high expectations that men want from women.

Uh… I don’t watch football because I’m afraid my boyfriend won’t like me if I don’t.  I watch football because I’m happy when I make my boyfriend happy, and if that takes sitting on the couch trying to understand who’s on defense and what a cornerback is, then so be it.

He loves sitting on the couch and watching the game with me, so that’s what I’m going to do. I’m not selling my soul, I’m just giving up an hour of time to make my guy happy, and he does the same for me.

Extreme feminists refuse to conform to the typical female stereotype where they cook, clean or let men open the door for them because they can do it themselves. Independence and equality are imperative to healthy women and healthy relationships, but take into consideration that not all acts are done because of your gender. Kind acts are done simply because someone loves you.

If my boyfriend holds the door open for me, I don’t ever think it’s because he believes I can’t do it myself. In fact, he would hold it for the next guy that walks through the door too, because it’s a nice thing to do. 

If my boyfriend wants another slice of pizza, I’m going to get him one not because it’s my duty as a woman to serve him, but because I know he had a long day and I want to make him happy. It's not because I’m scared he’ll leave me if I don’t, but because I love him.

It is important to remain independent in a relationship, but also considerate. If your partner asks you to convert religions and get a tattoo, that’s abusing the power of love. You and your partner should genuinely want to do everything in your power for each other, and want the other to live as contently as possible. I don’t do typical things like cooking and cleaning and pretending to like football because I feel that I need to as a woman, I just want to be a considerate and appreciated girlfriend.

Be happy that you’ve found someone who makes you want to watch football or The Notebook. Be grateful that you have someone who appreciates everything you do for them, and actually does thoughtful things for you too. Independence and equality are essential, but sometimes it’s refreshing to just be nice.