It’s fantasy football season.
Sports nerds, stat freaks and former jocks are all preparing to prove themselves as the lone football master in their league.
Bragging rights and dignity (while already diminished for playing the game in the first place) are both on the line.
Have a perfect team?
The odds are good the title will end up in someone else’s hands.
Based on my own experience, 70 percent of fantasy football success hinges on luck.
Just ask anyone who owned Tom Brady in 2008.
But anyone that picked up Kurt Warner in that same year enjoyed a plethora of touchdown passes.
Is it possible to guess this year's Miles Austin? Probably not, but that shouldn’t drive you crazy.
I have a couple rules to go over before the season begins.
Not rules to guarantee success, but rules to help keep your sanity.
1. Never play fantasy football with your girlfriend.
Every time I hear about this scenario, a small part of my fantasy football core dies inside.
Please think of the consequences before taking this step in a relationship.
A girlfriend has different bargaining chips than your friends do.
Don’t ever get stuck talking trades with the same person that might have to see you naked.
Larry Fitzgerald for Donald Driver and a free pass for your next mistake is not going to work out the way you want it to.
And of course, due to the luck factor, there is always a chance the girlfriend is victorious.
This isn’t a board game or pick-up basketball where a loss can be shaken off; fantasy football defeats sting a little bit more.
“Hey bro, how come your girlfriend knows more about football than you?” the obnoxious guy in your league will say.
2. Stay away from having multiple teams.
Owning Peyton Manning and playing against Peyton Manning in the same week is a stressful affair.
But if the choice is to put your eggs in more than one fantasy basket, tough decisions will have to be made throughout the season.
Karma also likes to mess with fantasy owners in these situations.
Have a "just for fun" league and dominate, then struggle in the league that you cast 20 bucks on. Karma enjoys this.
(I have broken this rule before. Seriously, run two teams with caution.)
3. Continue to have a social life.
This includes limiting the discussions about your fantasy roster at social gatherings.
The chances of picking up a pretty girl are fairly slim when your opening line involves this week’s starting quarterback.
She isn’t interested in why Jake Delhomme has been struggling the last several weeks.
And if you stick with that, the odds are good that Cleveland’s quarterback struggles will soon be your own.
Women want to hear about your fantasy football team as much as you want to hear about last week's "Dancing With the Stars" episode.
All in all, stay safe this fantasy football season.
It’s entertaining, it’s nerdy and it’s a whole lot of fun.
Oh, and to all those ladies out there that play fantasy football with their boyfriends, please beat them.
It’s hilarious.
Reach the reporter at nathan.meacham@asu.edu
