The hook up: You spill its “dirty” details over brunch. Cosmopolitan produces weekly articles on the subject, which many women and men will pour over like it's a holy text. Countless advice books are published on how to perfect the art. Yet, somehow the word is still remarkably ambiguous.
“It’s a one night stand," said Adrianna Lash, sophomore marketing student.
“Having sex... or making out,” said Gracie Strasser, sophomore industrial design major.
The definition of “hooking up” changes with each person you talk to. For some it could be making out, while for others it means going all the way — and for many it means something in between.
You might begin to question why nobody has bothered to give the word a clear-cut definition. I believe it's because we’re afraid to. The ambiguity of the word “hook up” isn’t because it's necessarily complicated. It’s ambiguity is a deeper symptom of our culture’s negative stigmas associated with sex.
“The word 'hook up' allows women to conceal how far they went and men to conceal how far they didn’t go. It reinforces gender norms and double standards,” said Kellie Herson, MA and gender studies Ph.D candidate.
We’d like to say we’re a generation that talks about sex openly. We are products of the sexual revolution. Yet, somehow we still feel awkward and ashamed when discussing the subject. We don’t want to admit it, but sexual stigmas still dictate our conversations. If we can’t even define “hook up” we cannot expect to have authentic discussions about sexuality.
"Hook up" is specific enough so we know what we’re alluding to, but vague enough that we don’t completely understand what it means. It masks the fact that talking openly about sex still makes us uncomfortable.
It’s fine to not want to share the details of your sex life, but be truthful about your reservations. Be honest about what you want to share. Dancing around the conversation just perpetuates the idea that sex isn’t a healthy part of life.
“Using language that stifles that conversation about sexuality makes us feel isolated and embarrassed about our bodies. Opening up the dialogue allows us to set clearer boundaries and feel normal and comfortable about our sexualities,” Herson said.
Even today we are socialized to feel awkward when talking about sex. This is not our fault, however it is our responsibility fight the idea that sex is shameful.
The fight to normalize sexuality begins with our language. We need to be candid in our conversations and fearless in our frankness. Let's stop buying into the idea that sex is bad or scandalous. Instead, let's celebrate its beauty.
Humans are sexual beings.. talking about sex, orgasms, etc. is not a weird thing. Embrace your sexuality it's a beautiful thing!!!
— sofi (@sophachair) November 16, 2016
I’m not telling you that you have to detail every sexual encounter of yours. I am simply asserting that in order to see any real change in our society’s sexual hang ups, we have to stop using words that strengthen these sexual stigmas.
If we stop tiptoeing around the conversation, we’ll be able have more honest relationships, more authentic friendships and healthier sex lives. If we are able to use language that clearly defines and celebrates sex, we will be able to build a sex-positive culture.
So, let’s talk about sex.
Reach the columnist at sljorda4@asu.edu or follow @skyjordan15 on Twitter.
Editor’s note: The opinions presented in this column are the author’s and do not imply any endorsement from The State Press or its editors.
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