ASU sophomore quarterback Jeff Krohn spent his winter vacation visiting Amherst, Mass., home of the University of Massachusetts and its Division I-AA football program.
Make that, former ASU quarterback Jeff Krohn.
That's right, Krohn, who threw for 3,693 yards and 31 touchdowns in 18 career starts, left the program in mid-December. Apparently, first-year Sun Devil head coach Dirk Koetter didn't put up much of a fight in wake of Krohn's departure.
There had been numerous rumors of friction in the pair's relationship earlier in the season, but how much friction does it take to let your only truly experienced quarterback leave for UMass?
In an effort to find a signal caller with enough skill to guide ASU's explosive passing attack and enough of a "yes, sir" mentality to appease Koetter, we called some of Hollywood's greatest film stars in search of the perfect quarterback.
The candidates are:
Johnny Utah (Keanu Reeves), "Point Break":
Utah led Ohio State to the Rose Bowl, but blew out his knee in the game and had to settle for a career of chasing bank-robbing surfers as an FBI agent.
The positives are obvious. Only two quarterbacks have ever led ASU to a Rose Bowl, and Utah's Buckeyes defeated USC, something the Sun Devils fell 31 points shy of last season.
Then again, Utah does have a bummed knee, and we all know Reeves is fond of marijuana. ASU had a quarterback like that a few years ago, and he didn't quite work out.
Willie Beamen (Jamie Foxx), "Any Given Sunday":
Beamen, a backup for the Miami Sharks, has all the tools necessary to run Koetter's offense. He is athletic, fast on his feet and has the smarts to run the occasional option play with Shark LL Cool J or with ASU sophomore tailback Mike Williams. Beamen also has the arm to lob deep balls to Sun Devil sophomore wide receiver Shaun McDonald.
However, Beamen doesn't think twice about changing plays in the huddle, which would likely irk Koetter. And hardcore ASU alumni would never accept a player whose end zone dives so closely resemble those of former UA quarterback Ortege Jenkins.
Jonathon Moxon (James Van Der Beek), "Varsity Blues":
Moxon also possesses a strong arm, so strong that he can knock an out-of-bounds mascot off his horse. He would arrive at ASU having plenty of experience with multiple wide receiver sets, thanks to the innovative play calling of player/coach Lance Harbor.
Unfortunately, Moxon is a bit of an improviser, and takes the playbook into his own hands. He also has a history of clashing with headstrong coaches.
Dan Marino (Dan Marino), "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective":
Marino, the ideal pocket passer, threw for 61,361 yards and 420 touchdowns during 17 years in the NFL. But he is full of negatives, despite his eye-popping statistics and Hall of Fame career.
Marino's inability to hold the ball with the laces out caused Ray Finkle to miss a potential Super Bowl-winning field goal, and showed the QB has little interest in playing special teams- a must for Sun Devil starters.
At 40 years old, Marino is just two years younger than Koetter and 11 years older than ASU quarterbacks coach Mark Helfrich. Furthermore, according to University of Pittsburgh officials, Marino exhausted his collegiate eligibility in 1982.
It seems even the greatest quarterback in film (and NFL) history would not fit the Koetter mold. Even with a cannon arm, lightning-quick release and the fiery leadership abilities of Norman Schwarzkopf, Marino just doesn't stack up.
Where are all the gritty, weak-armed walk-ons with heart when you need them?
Reach Matt Kee at azdude182@aol.com.
