"Joe Millionaire"
What Happened: About 75 minutes of the two-hour finale was a whole lot of nothing. We got to see the reactions of the 18 jilted women. Then, Evan revealed to Zora and Sarah, separately, that he didn't inherit any money and isn't a millionaire. He also told Zora that he chose her and left Sarah to pack her things and leave. At the end, Zora told Evan that she would accept his offer. But that was not all; The butler, Paul, gave them a check from the show's producers for $1 million.
My Thoughts: There must have been something in the water. Neither woman reacted when told that Evan isn't a millionaire. There was no yelling, no fighting, no swearing, nothing. Zora, who said she was turned off by the fictional $50 million, was happy to receive the million-dollar reward.
What the finale did was prove that Evan Wallace Marriott is a total, complete, utter idiot and moron. What annoys me most is that the FOX network is trying to make this show a "fairy tale." I shudder to think of the day when parents tell their children the story of the three little pigs, Cinderella and Joe Millionaire.
"American Idol 2," Tuesday
What Happened: The contestants were Kimberly, Jordan, Vanessa, Rickey, Samantha, Lou, Equoia and George. There were no surprises because everyone was good. Simon Cowell, the master of mean, repeated the same basic thought: everyone was good, but could do better. At one point, Cowell told Vanessa that she needed to lose a few pounds. This was the only time he was truly mean (he even told her it was a compliment).
My Thoughts: This was, at best, an unspectacular episode of "American Idol." Frankly, it's starting to get unnerving that Paula Abdul is nothing but positive with every single contestant. These people can't sing that well and Paula should say something about it. The best moment was at the beginning when Simon Cowell permanently became a great man, for he called Ryan Seacrest a woman. Seacrest didn't even fight back.
"American Idol 2," Wednesday
What Happened: Fan favorites Vanessa Olivarez and Rickey Smith were put into the top ten finalists. The third finalist, but not in the top ten, was Equoia. Other highlights of the live show were a surprise appearances from Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson, who showed a lengthy preview of their new movie "From Justin To Kelly." Other than that, nothing out of the ordinary happened.
My Thoughts: Again, a wise choice by the voters. Rickey may have, as Simon said, gotten through with his infectious personality, but so what? If I get to hear him say "Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!" again, I'll be happy. Vanessa was someone I liked as soon as she started singing "Bohemian Rhapsody." On the other hand, there is only one thing to say about the new movie with Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson. Why make a movie with these two? Do we really need a Sideshow Bob sighting on the big screen? And why did Kelly look so much different in the movie clip?
"The Bachelorette"
What Happened: For once, a two-hour finale that actually has material for more than 20 minutes. Trista brought her two final beaus, Charlie and Ryan, home to St. Louis to meet her parents, who had quite a few probing questions for both men. The family was impressed by the two, who were completely at ease. However, Ryan seemed to win out when he asked Trista's father for permission to propose to his daughter should he get the final rose. After that, Trista had one final night with each man before her momentous decision. And on the last night, a very calm Trista told Charlie that he wasn't the lucky man. She then gave Ryan the great news. He then offered her a wedding ring, which she gladly accepted.
My Thoughts: Ryan is probably the better guy. Charlie's interest in the stock market doesn't look too bright these days. The only things that had a lasting impression on this viewer during the finale were the incredibly inane questions the parents had for the two bachelors. Do real people wonder about whether a man shaves more than his face? If a parent asks me that, I wonder why they're curious. Overall, "The Bachelorette" was a boring show, but at least Trista didn't make an incredibly idiotic choice for a man. So, will the marriage last two or three months?
Josh Spiegel is an entertainment reporter for the Web Devil. Reach him at joshua.spiegel@asu.edu.
