Well, it was another eventful week in reality television, from the awfulness of the "talent" on American Idol 2 to the hilarious revelation, during the week, of one of the Joe Millionaire contestants' previous life. Even still, all these shows remain the worst on television. What, you thought my opinion would change in a week?
Joe Millionaire
What Happened: Evan and the three remaining women stayed in the French chateau for the week. The first date, with Sarah, went from wine tasting to getting hot and heavy in the woods outside the chateau. The second date, with Melissa M., started and ended in the chateau, where they cooked their own dinner, to disastrous effects. Evan's third date, with Zora, started off well when they rode horses around the countryside. However, when it led to a hot tub finale at the chateau, the other women invaded the date, angering Zora. The final date, with Mojo, started with a fencing lesson; it led to Mojo showing Evan a $1 million check she had written herself in hopes of cashing it someday. In the end, Evan gave ruby necklaces to Sarah, Melissa M., and Zora.
My Thoughts: Like alcohol, I have lost brain cells because I watched Joe Millionaire. This is quite simply the dumbest hour of television anywhere. During the, shall we say, encounter in the woods between Evan and Sarah, we were able to read subtitles of their muffled dialogue. Here's a sample: "Hee Ha Ha Huh." "(slurp) (smack) (gulp)." And so on. Also, I was under the impression last week that Evan, who's slowly turning into a caveman, was a moron. Well, I stand corrected because this Joe got stupider. He seemed to be even more of a pig than before; during a hot tub scene with all four women, he seemed more impressed that he was in a hot tub with four beautiful women rather than that he should have kicked three of them out for waltzing into one of his dates. I really can't wait for this piece of crap to end. Finally, I think the show got interesting when it was revealed during the week that Sarah, a few years back, was an actress in some porno films. Now I'm not as surprised that she did what she did last Monday.
American Idol 2-Tuesday
What Happened: More auditions is what. This time, the crew headed to Atlanta and Nashville for some southern comfort, hopefully. As usual, there were the typically bad singers, and some pretty damn good ones. The highlight (actually, lowlight) of the show was an overweight young man who sang Madonna's "Like A Virgin" in the worst high-pitch falsetto ever heard. This lucky fellow was dubbed by bad-tempered English judge Simon Cowell as "the worst singer in the world." There's no argument here.
My Thoughts: Wow. The hits just kept on coming tonight. And, yes, the ads were right: this guy is the worst singer I've ever heard. I mean, how bad can you get? First of all, a guy singing that song is strange; a fat guy singing it in a falsetto voice is terrifying. To make things even weirder, the guy thought he was good! Anyway, the episode was dominated by Simon and Randy, since Paula had a "prior engagement," and the show benefited from it, frankly. It was nice to not hear any consolation from Ms. Abdul for a change. I can't say the show will get better, because pretty soon we're going to be seeing some bad singing and no judges to throw the contestants out on the seat of their pants. Well, it was nice while it lasted.
American Idol 2-Wednesday
What Happened: In 90 minutes of television, a group of 234 contestants was whittled down to a mere 32. They performed in groups of four with a batch of famous love songs, and were quite horrible, as Mr. Cowell would say As the show continued, and the singers tried to become small groups, one is left wondering, "Why did the judges pick these people?" Already, I can see who should be in the final 10, and who shouldn't even be in the final 32. The male singers, except for the first group of three, were, as Simon would say, absolutely ghastly. The female singers were only slightly better. The end of the show saw some favorites of mine such as Ruben, the Luther Vandross of the show, and Vanessa, the next Nikki McKibbin, going through to the live shows.
My Thoughts: As if the reality shows on TV haven't already proved it, guys are pigs. Some of the guys decided to party instead of practice for their impending audition; surprisingly one got through. I mention this because while watching this segment, I wanted to punch these guys. Really! I mean, is it me, or shouldn't the partying wait until after they become the American Idol? Then they get the drinking, the limos, the women (or men) and so on. As I said, there are some likable people going through, and hopefully one of them will be the American Idol. My two fears now are that the voters (I'm not one of them) will pick the wrong singers and that we will see much, much more of Ryan Seacrest.
The Bachelorette
What Happened: It's time to meet the parents! Or meet the folks, as NBC would advertise. On four separate pre-planned dates, Ryan, Greg, Russ, and Charlie show Trista their hometowns and their respective families. On the whole, each date goes well. Ryan's only flaw seems to be that he really doesn't want to leave the cool climes of Colorado for Los Angeles. Greg's biggest flaw is that his apartment is small (really, really small). Russ, this time around, seems to be extremely anxious and nervous at home. Charlie's biggest fault is that his family members aren't as welcoming as the other three bachelors' are. In the end, on her 30th birthday, Trista, at the rose ceremony, picks Russ, Ryan, and Charlie to go on to next week's episode.
My Thoughts: Again, this show is making me fall asleep. Since I tape this and watch it during the afternoon, me falling asleep is a very bad thing. Trista, despite being attractive, continues to be a total ditz and apparently has the vocal cords of a prepubescent little girl. The guys are still without their own personalities, and are really see-through. I found it funny that Ryan's fellow firefighters started to ask Trista questions about why she's attracted to the bachelor. Do these guys really give a damn why she likes him? I mean, we all know these shows are probably scripted, partly, but can't it look and feel normal? Can't it feel real? On this show, not really. Maybe next week things will heat up and keep me awake.
Reach the reporter at joshua.spiegel@asu.edu.
