Well, Jackie Chan has done it again - he's made another pathetic movie.
You would think that after 112 films, the 48-year-old actor - and I use that term loosely - would be ready to try something new. After forcing myself to sit through his latest film, Shanghai Knights, it became clear that he will never be anything more than a skilled martial artist who speaks poor English and possesses even worse acting skills.
Fortunately, it looks like Chan has reached his peak, and is quickly on his way down. In a recent e-mail to the Associated Press he admitted that he has started using body doubles for risky stunts. Wasn't his only claim to fame the fact that he did all of his own stunts? With that he has little; without it he has nothing.
Before Chan calls it quits, he needs to redeem himself from his performance in Shanghai Knights. The movie brings Chong Wang [Chan] and comedic sidekick Roy O'Bannon, played by Owen Wilson [The Royal Tenenbaums, Zoolander] together for another zany adventure. The duo first worked together in the 2000 movie, Shanghai Noon.
Though Shanghai Noon was merely another Jackie Chan movie, it was at least bearable. The fighting scenes were impressive and Wilson added flavor. In the sequel, Wilson falls flat and Chan struggles through the slapstick fight scenes, which are few and far between.
The movie opens in 1887, in the Forbidden City, China, home of the Imperial Seal. Wang's father, who is killed before the second scene, guards the seal. You could probably guess what happens next [refer to any other Chan movie]. That's right. Upon hearing about his father's murder, Wang sets out to avenge his father's death and return the Imperial Seal to China.
First, he must track down O'Bannon and convince him to join in on the fun. The movie has a rocky start, but it really begins to plummet as soon as Chan opens his mouth. His lines are rarely more than 10 words long, and scarcely contain words with more than two syllables, but still he struggles.
I spent the remaining 90 minutes of the film trying to decipher what the hell Chan just said. Is it that difficult to pronounce the final consonant in a word?
Upon retrieving his better half, O'Bannon, the adventure begins. This time around the two cowboys journey to London, but of course not before a gratuitous fight scene. Though the fighting scenes in Shanghai Knights are decent, compared to what Chan has done previously, they are quite sad.
It is blatantly obvious that each of Chan's fights is choreographed, with no attempt whatsoever to make them realistic. Complete with synchronized sound effects, they look like a modernized scene from The Three Stooges. I was sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for someone to get poked in the eye by a loony man yelling, "Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop!" Chan really outdoes himself with a street-fight/dance number performed to the music of "Singing in the Rain."
Chan's fight scenes may be pitiful, but that's not to say that all of the fighting stoops to his level. Wang's sister Chong Lin, brings the only obvious talent to the screen. Her acting skills are as up to par as Chan, but at least she can fight.
Together, the three journey to London in search of the seal, of course running into bad guys along the way. Mysteriously, O'Bannon is no where to be found when it comes time to lay down the law. Wilson's character is all talk and no action. He's there purely to liven up the movie, and make up for Chan's lack of personality. Though Wilson has his moments - two or three to be exact - in the end his attempt to revive the lifeless film fails. It does, however, have a surprisingly good ending - a collection of outtakes.
I'm still a bit in shock that I sat through an entire Jackie Chan movie without talking or falling asleep. It was rough, but I made it. The only thing that got me through was the fact that I spent the entire time trying to figure out what the guy in front of me found so funny. At times, he was laughing so hard he was wiping tears from his eyes. I was embarrassed for him.
I know there must be people who enjoy these movies, or else Chan wouldn't be so successful. But who are these people? What level do you have to be on to appreciate the supposed humor in Shanghai Knights? The one-line schticks and cliché phrases are so dumb they are almost insulting. I honestly believe I lost a few brain cells in the theater that night. Shanghai Knights is definitely a no-brainer.
The trailers boast that the movie is a "Kick in the royal arse." What they should have warned is that it sucks major arse.
Reach the reporter at jaime.schneider@asu.edu.
|
Shanghai Knights
Starring Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson. Directed by David Dobkin. Rated PG-13. Opens Friday. |
(out of four)
