I thought I was an original thinker when I envisioned writing the epic novel "Mothra Stewart and the 50 Foot Emeril Lagasse Turn Tokyo into a Delightful Retreat." Turns out, Mothra Stewart is a scattered phenomenon all over the web.
Just check out the Mothra Stewart Living web site, which plays itself up as a site containing a 50 second promotional video clip for a "new" show starring none other than Mothra Stewart. Creators Seth Gordon and Steven Klein must be onto something.
Go to this very simple site and you will find Quicktime, Windows Media and RealPlayer formats of the clip. There isn't a huge difference between the quality of the clips, although the site says that the quality gets worse going from Quicktime to RealPlayer. The main difference is the sound quality. Open one up and you'll see Mothra Stewart portrayed by a person in a very cheap-looking bug suit that resembles a cockroach with severe radioactive properties.
In the clip, we receive a short set of amusing gardening hints, cleaning shortcuts and baking tips from the mute Mothra. At the end, the Mothra creature walks over to a shed door with a piece of paper taped to the door. On this paper is a graph showing the bad shape of a certain stock market investment. At this point, the tape experiences some "technical difficulties."
And the clip's creators are not alone. Mothra Stewart seems to be an odd yet clever joke at a time when corporate scandal is taking over Wall Street. The intense focus on Martha can at times seem questionable when there are so many Enrons out there waiting to be discovered. Another site, Save Martha Stewart! declares that we should "Jail Mothra, not Martha." After all, the site hands us the following reminder: "Jail: It's not a good thing."
The site also contains a rather amusing picture of the real Martha Stewart with a beard (Photoshopped in from the mug shot of none other than Scott Peterson) and a painted-on frown, getting ready to escape the country. We are asked why Mothra should go free while we go after Martha. The site says Martha's almost inhuman neatness is precisely what this world needs to get rid of giant moths. Godzilla, it says, cannot be relied upon when a capable woman like Martha could go and build a giant wall of cedar to protect our structures and our silken garments.
Logic like that does make some sort of sense if you don't think about it too much. Mothra is the kind of creature that wants to dominate entire civilizations. The combined evil of Martha and Mothra could, for example, make a Teriyaki bowl out of Tokyo. Not just any ordinary Teriyaki bowl from your local Japanese restaurant, but a gourmet one set on a silken lace doilie next to a flower arrangement of roses and daffodils imported from France.
Which is why it is so frightening to see people are even dressing up as Mothra Stewart. Visit the Costume Network and you will find a lovely Mothra Stewart costume. As a fan of all the Mothra movies on the Sci-Fi Channel, I must say the costume looks like neither Martha nor Mothra. But it matters not. People are only looking for trouble when they invoke Martha and Mothra at once.
Meanwhile, I'm fairly confident that a 50-foot Emeril Lagasse is still open to be written about. Expect a novel about his reign of Kyoto Bowl to hit all the best-seller lists fairly soon. And watch for the battle of the century as he takes on the Naked Chef in a battle of briskets, staggering around and exclaiming "Bam!" between each thundering footstep. Only on Pay Per View.
Nicole Saidi is the Content Editor of the Web Devil. Reach her at nicole.saidi@asu.edu.
