Champaign, Ill., is a college town. The University of Illinois campus sprawls across the city, surrounded by large residence halls, apartment complexes, townhouses, and small rental houses. College students live the college life, and the "townies" don't complain much.
Tempe is not a college town, even though it has a bigger university. The campus is condensed into a square mile, and many students commute long distances to get there every day. Now, to make things worse, the townies are waging war.
Not surprisingly, 49 percent of Tempe's homes are rentals, according to The Arizona Republic. The high percentage is due in large part to ASU students.
In the same vein, the homeowners (whom I will disparagingly refer to as "the party poopers") constitute a small majority. While many of them enjoy things like football games at Sun Devil Stadium, many still refuse to acknowledge that college students have a place in their neighborhoods.
The most recent example is the unfortunate story of five members of the Theta Chi fraternity. They were renting a five-bedroom house on La Jolla Drive near Rural Road. Since ASU kicked their fraternity off campus, the house began hosting weekly fraternity meetings.
"The party poopers" started complaining about everything from the number of cars to the quality of their lawn. Soon the police found them in violation of one of Tempe's ridiculous rental restrictions.
No more than three unrelated people can live in a house they are renting. That means only three people can rent a five-bedroom house in Tempe. It is a crime if renters make efficient and economical use of extra living space.
Thus, two of the Theta Chi criminals were ousted, forcing the remaining three to pay approximately two-thirds more rent for the remainder of their lease. That's party poopers: one, college students: zero.
It gets worse. The current Tempe noise ordinance allows officers to ticket loud parties if they have to respond to the same house twice in a 12-hour period. Soon, however, the Tempe City Council will vote on a new ordinance backed by "the party poopers."
The proposed "party house ordinance" would impose fines if officers had to come to a house twice in 120 days: roughly the length of a semester. Coincidence?
Not at all. This new ordinance is simply another blow in the war against college students. But are college students really the bad guys?
Let's look at this from an economic standpoint. Tempe's number one industry is tourism. People come to Tempe for a variety of reasons. Prospective students come to visit campus. Parents come to visit children who attend the University. Football fans come for college games, and tons of people come for the Fiesta Bowl. All these people are dropping crazy cash at hotels, bars, and restaurants.
Notice that all these tourism boons are directly related to ASU students. The athletes who make the sporting events possible are college students. We also provide the workforce to staff the hotels, bars, and restaurants. Moreover, we spend more of the money we earn at the bars and restaurants, and we populate them with attractive young people.
Do homeowners do as much for Tempe's struggling economy? Not likely.
Still, people have a right to peace and quiet. Fortunately for them, I have a solution.
Move.
Got a family? I hear Mesa's nice. Are you old? Give Sun City a try. Just plain cranky? I suggest you go to hell. Or Yuma.
Of course, I can't imagine "the party poopers" are willing to comply with my plan. We have to force them out by partying as loud as we can as much as we can in as many neighborhoods as we can. We have to do this as soon as we can, before the City Council decides to ban partying altogether.
Tempe may never be Champaign, Ill., but maybe, with a little bit of work, we can make it a college town.
Tim Agne is a senior journalism major. Reach the reporter at tim.agne@asu.edu.
