"Fame" - Wednesday
Synopsis
The, er, long-awaited review of this sorry "American Idol" copycat has arrived. The format is exactly like that of "Idol" in so many ways that I will not even describe it here. The show premiered May 28, and the two episodes so far have focused on narrowing the competition to three people in four different groups. So far, groups one and two have been determined. Debbie Allen is the groups' mentor, encouraging them to do all sorts of cheesy dances. Since the show is hosted by Joey Fatone of 'NSYNC, the show has a decidedly boy-bandish feel as it seeks out the "triple threat" who can sing, dance and perhaps save small children from wells. Suffice to say that "celebrity" judges like Carnie Wilson, JoJo Wright and Johnny Wright couldn't go wrong, right? In group one, Shannon Bex, Alex Boyd and Gary Adams made the cut. In group two, Jamisen Tiangco, Brandon O'Neal and Serena Henry were selected to go on.
Tiangco sings a bit too much like Britney Spears, but singing Toni Braxton's "You're Makin Me High" got everybody hot under the collar. O'Neal is a good singer and dancer, and Henry wowed the crowd with "I'm Every Woman." Henry shows potential to be the winner. Among the losers, there was a disturbing trend to spread legs too far apart and move around way too much. Ryan Chotto looked like an excitable and poorly-dressed chihuahua singing "Dancing in the Street," Michelle Livigne nearly threw off her hips as she performed the beyond-her-age "Black Velvet," and Todd Evans' annoying finger-snapping made him look like the king of lounge lizards. Poor Stevie Wonder had not one, but two of his songs botched by both O'Neal and Evans. Sammy Sosa could have put his cork to better use Wednesday.
The Verdict
NBC is really going for the jugular in its search for the triple threat of ratings, cheap production and celebrity cameos. The "American Idol" franchise is an obvious knockoff of "Star Search" in the first place, but when a show is copying a copycat, the quality of the copy really goes down. To the judges' credit, they were able to weed out the better singers this week. They tried too hard to soften their criticisms of the bottom three, but their preferences were clear. Allen, the mentor, was sickeningly positive about everybody. Wilson is everywhere already since her stomach stapling, so I suppose judging a mediocre reality show is the next natural step. Fatone is probably in need of some work while Justin Timberlake is doing the solo thang and Lance Bass is searching for a good space camp for the summer. To Fatone's credit, he is infinitely less annoying than "Idol" host Ryan Seacrest. All in all, the show is a disturbing experience. You'll swear it's "American Idol" in an evil mirror universe.
"American Juniors" - Tuesday's premiere
Synopsis
Hey kids, it's time for analogies. "The Muppet Show" is to "Muppet Babies" as "American Idol" is to... hmm. "American Junior" would be the answer. The premiere of the show aired at 7 p.m. Tuesday night. Hosted by a very stubble-faced Ryan Seacrest, back from his stint with "American Idol 2," the show follows in the footsteps of "Star Search" by going after the under-18 crowd. The real competition and voting start June 17. The first episode is made up of footage from the auditions held around the country, and the next promises to feature more eliminations and more whiny parents.
Kids, with families in tow, came out of the woodwork to show off what can only be construed as their "talent." Stage moms ran rampant during the episode, and Seacrest seemed to derive pleasure from mocking them. This admittedly is what made the episode so great. One mother in particular threw a hissy fit that her precious daughter, who sings for Disney, was rejected from the show. We are then subjected to an encore performance of an overdone rendition of "Colors of the Wind" from Pocahontas. Ugh. The girl may only be a child, but her mother is pulling the puppet strings. The cherry on top? Seeing mom stomp around while declaring, "My daughter is a great singer!" and "I am not a stage mom!" Call me cruel, but everybody has to fail sometime.
The Verdict
What could have been cute was comedic, and even a little bit sad, in some instances. The kiddie format creates an interesting dynamic, because the contestants are shouldering the collective ego pressure from themselves and their parents. The moms would mouth the words of songs along with their offspring, and reminded me of those parents at little league games who curse out the umpires and cat-call from the stands. Jonbenet Ramsey also comes to mind. Still, several of the kids stand out and show potential for success not only in the show, but in show business in general. Many of them seemed to be enjoying the process, but overzealous parents really took the fun out of it for a few of the kids, and that's a real shame. You're only young once.
"For Love or Money" - Monday's premiere
Synopsis
The premise behind NBC's new reality TV series, "For Love or Money," is an uninspired twist on "Joe Millionaire" and other shows from the same vein. In the Monday premiere, 15 good-looking chicks get together in a house that is a few fishnet stockings short of the mansion from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Their goal is to snag a man that we are conditioned to believe is sexy; the woman this man chooses then has the privilege to decide between man-meat and a million dollars. The man does not know they are not after "love," and this is supposed to make the show interesting.
The show opens up with the women getting acquainted with each other and making forced smiles through their bleached-white, veneered teeth. Happiness morphs into cattiness as the girls start primping to meet the man of their dreams, or at least their wallets. With flowing black locks, a prestigious legal career, military service and a penchant for soccer, Rob (cough) fits the profile of an attractive guy. The women get to know him one by one for a few seconds, and the show lets us see commentary from the woman about Rob and vice versa. Then they are deprived of his ethereal presence for a night. This is when things get relatively interesting.
I awoke from my bored stupor to see the girls throwing their hair around and getting drunk. At some point, one of the girls decides it would be fun to draw on another girl's art canvas. This is one of the most bizarre reality TV show conflicts I have ever seen. Cut to the following morning, when Rob makes an unnanounced visit at breakfast. Shocked at the prospect of being seen without makeup caked all over themselves, several of the girls make a panicked rush upstairs to primp while Rob makes the chit-chat rounds with each of the girls. Finally, they are lined up for the suspenseful elimination sequence. Rob gives five of the 15 a gentle kick in their surgically-altered butts. Sent to a room to open an excessively large book, they must pull out their pre-written check for a million dollars and throw it into a burning fire. Loooo-sers.
The Verdict
This show is awful. The first installment focused on so many girls that my wimpy attention span could not withstand the torture of having to sit through three tedious evaluations of all 15. Furthermore, I couldn't tell the girls apart. With the exception of perhaps two or three girls, they all looked like machine-manufactured clones. I am interested to see whether the eventual winner will choose the man or the money; right now, Stacey is shaping up to be the likely champion. Her unique look and attitude seem to have really captivated the cocky, hard-to-impress Rob. He has the perfect poker face, and is good at keeping the girls on their toes. The promos for the next few episodes aren't looking good though, as they hint at scandal and pettiness that is both silly and boring. Haven't we had enough of this junk? Jay Leno had it right during his monologue on NBC's "The Tonight Show" when he pretended to brush his network's offending dust off of his jacket.
Give a thumbs up or down to the series in the forum below. Watch for more reality TV updates throughout the week.
Nicole Saidi is the Content Editor of the Web Devil. Reach her at nicole.saidi@asu.edu.
