CELEBRITIES BEHAVING BADLY UPDATE (6/11/03): It was recently reported in the last couple of days on the Smoking Gun web site (and then on every network you can think of) that Rob Campos, the illustrious bachelor of "For Love or Money," allegedly lied to the show's producers during a background check prior to filming. When asked about his time in the Marines, he denied any unusual occurrences and said nothing about an incident during JAG training. Apparently, while he was drunk one night, he allegedly groped the breasts of a female trainee. Rob denied the incident, suggesting that perhaps the woman made up the story because he was too drunk to, um, perform. Subsequently, he was removed from the JAG course. Suddenly, the boot trick begins to make sense...
"Last Comic Standing" - Tuesday
Synopsis
Sorry, "American Junior" fans, the review will have to wait until June 17 when the actual judging begins. The June 10 episode was a rehashing of more auditions, true to the "American Idol" tradition. In fact, skip "American Junior" altogether and watch a show that is actually worth the airtime allotted to it: "Last Comic Standing" on NBC. After shooting randomly in the dark with copycats like "Fame" and "For Love or Money," NBC may have found the reality TV holy grail. "Last Comic Standing" is a pleasant surprise, and had me in stitches laughing throughout the two hours of back-to-back episodes. One episode covered the selection of 10 fledgling standup comics from the West to perform at the Paris hotel in Las Vegas; the other episode covered the East. The format is the same as the "American Idol" style we have become so familiar with as of late, with comedian Jay Mohr moderating a different set of three judges on each side of the country. The winners will compete in Las Vegas so that a smaller group can live together in a house like those young'uns in "The Real World" do and determine the final winner. The Last Comic Standing will get their own show on Comedy Central and some cash. I'm dreading the "live in the house and have petty squabbles" part, but for now the show is the best reality show out there.
West Side Story
Somewhere in Los Angeles in the Laugh Factory comedy club, a group of wanna-bes were cut down to 10. Joe Rogan of "Fear Factor" and "NewsRadio," classic comic Buddy Hackett and Mo'Nique of "Moesha" were the judges of the night. The 10 selected people were all hilarious. Cultural stereotypes formed the basis for much of the humor; one contestant dressed in a cowboy outfit came to point out that people unhappy about being descended from monkeys should remember that monkeys are not thrilled about, quote, "trailer trash," being descended from them either. The judges' favorite appeared to be one contestant whose joke was that surfing is the most dangerous sport simply because it involves "a shark." They liked a, um, rather large young man who made jokes about ordering from Jack in the Box in a rather bad part of Los Angeles, and joked with Rogan that his fat folds could be their own event on "Fear Factor."
The judges were also crazy about one woman who gave a somewhat overdone but very professional looking performance in which she joked about being mistaken for a lesbian on a regular basis. The final contestant, a man from Vietnam, got an especially long bio in which he cried a lot about his life in poverty and got to stand on a mountain peak and wave a fancy sword around. I feel for the guy, but the bio was a tad bit overdone. His routine was excellent, though, poking fun at Vietnamese domination of the beauty parlor industry. That came as news to me, but the routine was still funny. Other jokes poked fun at being what is known as "black" in the Associated Press stylebook and "African-American" in politically correct circles: There were the usual "black men prefer big butts" and "big, black women are beautiful" jokes. There also were a few Jewish jokes and bad dating stories. All in all, the best people won. The judging was engaging; Hackett couldn't stop swearing and arguing with Rogan, while Mo'Nique turned on her soul sister charm whenever she could. The banter made the difference in the West.
New York, New York
Caroline's, a famous comedy club in the heart of New York City, played host to the eastern edition. Colin Quinn of "Saturday Night Live" fame, Joy Behar of "The View" and Caroline Rhea of her self-titled talk show helped narrow the competition. Overall, the more laid-back vibe of the East competition was much more appealing. When I heard Rhea emit her first high-pitched squeal of the night, I must admit I was a little apprehensive. But Quinn and Behar's cooler demeanors brought down the Wild Child a bit. Amusing routines included a home video shot by a Minnesota man and shown during his bio; in it, he shows off his rather large rural property. His actual stand-up routine was one of the best of the night, poking fun at his anti-social tendencies.
There were a ton of Jewish jokes; one Jewish mother told of her joy that her daughter had found a nice Jewish boy to date. She seemed to fit the stereotype of the controlling Jewish mother, having found some form of comfortable domination over her daughter in which she can make the daughter the basis of her routine.
Another set of Asian jokes tackled one man's problem of being mistaken for a laundromat employee rather than a comedian, which seemed a bit trite to me but still funny. A few Latina jokes about early motherhood in high school assured that the Hispanic population was duly made fun of. One man joked about having no money and trying to make a living as an over-40 comedian; a woman gave a perfect deadpan delivery of a routine making fun of her sex life. Finally, Rhea went wild for the final comedian, whose routine was based on the fact that he is black and raising a son. Behar should have kept her mouth shut after Rhea said he was "sweet," but nooooo. Rhea went on a rampage and pretended to get up to storm the stage. Thank God she didn't actually do it, and instead helped the other judges once again select the contestants who deserved to go on.
"Fame" - Monday
Synopsis
Tonight's episode was a special Monday night edition. There really wasn't anything special about this episode, which sought to determine the third of four three-person groups advancing in the show. The competition was pretty stiff, relative to the last episode, because all of the contestants appeared to have a drop of talent. The girls all went Broadway, while the boys chose ambitious R&B and rap selections. The final set of eliminations will air Wednesday. Allyson Arena, Justin Jacoby and Raymond Lee were selected Monday. Christine Evangelista, Dion Watson and Alexis Adler were not.
The Verdict
Jacoby is the winner. That's it. He even wrote his own rap. Judge JoJo Wright described him as "Justin Timberlake meets Eminem." And that's exactly what Jacoby is: charismatic, creative and somewhat narcissistic. His personality is infectious, and I predict he will win it all. He sounded like a more stable version of Eminem, from his accent to his troubles with his family, during the brief bio before his performance. And when he performed what turned out to be an excellent rap, the crowd went nuts. But enough about him; Lee was excellent as well performing the sappy but appropriate "I'll be There." Arena's "Cabaret" rendition was good for Broadway, but maybe less appropriate for pop star status. Among the losers, Watson got ambitious trying to wear an afro and cover a James Brown Tune, while Adler played the role of the ubiquitous Young, Sexy Girl. Evangelista, like all the other females, performed a Broadway style song and didn't really impress the judges that much; how she kept going as far as she did is a mystery to me.
The group dance at the end had a poor song choice, James Brown's "Living in America." Only Brown has enough residual coolness to get away with that one. To the contestants' credit, they managed to ham it up as best as they could. Jacoby's rap was brilliant. Debbie Allen's choreography made the most of a bad situation, but couldn't overcome the lame song. Throughout the show, Allen once again softened comments about everybody. She even said, "Carnie, don't hate" when Carnie Wilson expressed reservations about Adler's excessively sexy dance. Allen should let the judges do their jobs. They were awfully kind to the contestants, although in this particular episode the pool was pretty good.
"For Love or Money" - Monday
Synopsis
Tonight, there was a twist: dating would begin, but only eight people could go. Two had to stay behind. Kelly expressed an extraordinary amount of pride at being the leading girl chosen NOT to go on a date with Rob; obviously, she must be hot stuff. The girls had to vote for who would stay home. A tie led to Paige choosing Melissa, rather than herself, to go on a date with Rob. What a sacrifice. The dates were sort of interesting: a sailing trip that results in an underdeck kiss, and a walk through some botanical gardens in fancy yet ugly clothing. But the real fun happened later that night.
Rob suddenly found himself unable to take off his own boots. This, he said, would require one of the girls to come over and take them off for him. One girl was enticed to lean over and expose her cleavage to him; another had to face her rear end to Rob and pull the boot off between her legs. At this point, the girls are flabbergasted to discover that Rob had the capacity to be such a jerk. They call a meeting and brainstorm new words to describe Rob: "Jerk," "player," "tramp" and "typical" come up. Finally, Rob puts his tail between his legs and comes back to apologize to the girls, telling a sob story about how he was shy with girls as a younger boy and some other stuff. The girls fall for his steaming pile of bull feces, and eliminations commence. A whopping 10 are reduced to five girls.
The Verdict
"Get as much make out time as possible." That's the slogan, girls. The dates were a chance to get to know Rob; I think the producers intended for all the action to here, and all the conflict to be in the girls' twisted motivations. The people behind the show must have underestimated Rob's capacity to be a jerk. The girls all feel better about their need for green after seeing Rob's impressive boot tricks. And yet, it is Rob who ends up giving girls the boot. And there were a lot of girls: 10 in this episode. Once again, I could barely keep track of them; Rob and his chauvenistic tendencies were seared into my skull, however. The teaser makes sure to remind us that he lost out on a virgin. Can this show get any worse? All this talk about being "in it for love" and "in it for money" sounds like a bunch of sappy horse dung to me. But it seems that at the end of it all, someone will be giving Rob the boot.
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Nicole Saidi is the Content Editor of the Web Devil. Reach her at nicole.saidi@asu.edu.
