"You drink, you drive, you lose."
You see it on TV all the time. Probably on every channel. The cops conveniently pull over a white guy, a black guy, and a Hispanic guy, asking them how much they've had to drink.
The guys, one of which sounds really wasted, all say they haven't been drinking much. But they get busted anyway.
As the commercial explains, "Police in [insert your state's name here] are cracking down." This commercial is a real advertising gem, striking fear into the heart of anyone who's ever thought about drinking and driving.
It's novel because the message has changed. Commercials used to explain the dangers of drinking and driving. They used to say, "Friends don't let friends drive drunk." They tugged at the old heartstrings and made people think, "Wow. People could get seriously hurt. Even killed."
Now all they're doing is making people say, "Holy crap, I could get busted."
This pretty little piece of advertising only set the government back $11 million.
Sadly, the commercial presupposes that Americans are selfish people with no concern for the safety of others. It undermines the original purpose of DUI laws - to protect everyone from the dangers of impaired driving.
Personally, I prefer the commercials paid for by the beer companies. Remember the one where Wayne Gretzky has a Bud Light in the bar and gets picked up by a Zamboni driver? How about the Smirnoff Ice commercial where the guy slashes his own tires?
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration would have been much better off throwing their money at people who make beer commercials. At least they can produce something compelling.
Heck, if the NHTSA wanted to do it half-assed, they should have hired me. I've got some great ideas for DUI commercials.
Picture this: cop pulls a guy over, and the guy rolls down his window.
GUY: Officer, you're serving and protecting, and I love you, man!
COP: Forget it, Johnny, you're getting a DUI.
You drink, you drive, you lose.
This one could be even better: A car is swerving on the freeway, and the police pull it over. Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards will play the police officers. They approach the car, and the window rolls down to reveal the Miller Lite Catfight girls duking it out over "Tastes great" and "less filling." The back seat is littered with cans.
The hot chick cops make a face, indicating to the viewers that the perpetrators reek of alcohol. Then Officer Anderson and Officer Richards drag the Catfight girls out of the car and throw them against the hood. I'd employ some good camera angles to make this part extra sexy.
After being cuffed and thrown in the back of the police car, the Catfight girls, who are down to very little clothing, begin gratuitously making out.
You drink, you drive, you lose.
I've got one more idea for a DUI commercial, but this one is just going to sound silly. I apologize in advance for its off-the-wall outrageousness. Realizing that no one would ever make a commercial like what I am about to propose, I'm proposing it anyway.
The commercial starts out by explaining the state's blood alcohol limit. In Arizona, for example, it's .08.
The commercial says that the average adult reaches a BAC of .08 by consuming only two alcoholic drinks in two hours.
The commercial goes on to outline the penalties of DUI and extreme DUI.
Finally, the commercial suggests some viable alternatives to driving drunk.
No hot chicks. No clever gimmicks. No cheesy scare tactics. OK, maybe a couple of hot chicks, but only because it's my commercial. Still, the driving force behind this commercial is information. It could even have a link to a Web site with more information.
Many people do not know the penalties for DUI. Many don't understand what the legal limit really means. Maybe if these people better understood these important laws, they would be less likely to break them.
Face it, "You drink, you drive, you lose," is a loser. In order to curb impaired driving, people need to get smart, not scared.
Tim Agne is a journalism senior who watches too much television. Reach him at tim.agne@asu.edu.
