Over the summer, I wrote a column called "Downtown expansion may make up for Mill Avenue failures." In it, I took some sardonic jabs at the current state of downtown Tempe and suggested the city change its name to "Clown Town."
No big deal. Everyone loves to hate on Mill Avenue. It's the cool thing to do. If students walked around saying, "Mill sure is great," they would sound like visiting high school seniors who are blissfully unaware of the tragedy and tyranny the street represents.
So I thought I'd be a cool kid and bash Mill. I wanted to erect a big top over it so people could see how much of a circus it really is. But I forgot about one thing - people love the circus.
It's a good thing, too. If people didn't like clowns, I wouldn't be allowed to write columns anymore, and my girlfriend would dump me.
In the weeks after my column ran, readers flooded my inbox with irate e-mails. Some came from longtime residents, others from students and faculty, but they all seemed to agree that downtown Tempe is a great place, big top or not, and that it is getting steadily better.
Immediately, I responded with letters like "Dear Bozo, can you make a balloon palm tree with a little balloon monkey in it?" and "Hey, Chuckles, if you're so mad, why don't you just throw a pie in my face?"
It felt good, but I eventually ran out of silly clown references. I had to start writing e-mail responses with actual substance. I had to think...and I hate when that happens.
I thought about my big gripes with Mill and realized they weren't really mine. Instead, they represented the popular opinion of a massive chunk of the ASU student body. The chunk that routinely blows wads of cash partying on Mill and spends the rest of the week bad-mouthing it.
Gripe No. 1: Mill is too expensive.
Yeah. So is gas. But that doesn't stop anyone. Heck, even Filiberto's is getting pricey these days. But the restaurant prices on Mill Avenue aren't as bad as they seem - a hamburger at Islands is going to set you back the same as one at Fuddruckers at Arizona Mills, and hey, going to the Islands on Mill will save you the gas.
And while Mill cocktails like the kind that make cameos on "Sex in the City" are expensive, you can still get $4 Sake bombers at Saki's, which is a pretty good deal as Sake bombers go. Face it: You can't get a good deal on a Jager-bomb anywhere, Mill or otherwise.
The two movie theaters have good student rates, too, while most retail stores are competitively priced franchises of mall stores. Plus, parking has gotten cheaper since last year.
Gripe No. 2: Narrowing Mill to one lane of traffic was the worst idea ever.
This is only true if you are in a car. The supreme suckiness of the massive traffic backup has little to no effect on pedestrians (save when they are plowed over by impatient drivers). Even though the extra parking doesn't do much good, making Mill more pedestrian-friendly was a step in the right direction.
And if they hadn't let stoned kindergartners paint the lines on the stretch of Mill from Apache to University, the traffic backup wouldn't even be a problem.
Gripe No. 3: The Corporate Monster ate Mom and Pop.
That may be true, but does anyone really miss any of the small businesses that have closed in recent years? Does anyone even remember them?
Admittedly, "mom and pop shops" can be awesome. For instance, Pop Culture Paradise on University and Forest is the best place to buy comic books in the galaxy. And the indie record store in the MU, Hoodlums, absolutely rocks. On top of that, there are dozens of other local businesses around campus where students can spend their own Mom and Pop's money.
And boy, do my Mom and Pop appreciate that.
But many of the big corporations on Mill are highly functional in a college town. We need a Borders to keep us literate. We need a Starbucks to keep us up all night, and we need a Jack in the Box to feed the stoners cheap tacos. These corporations make money because they make sense.
It's easy to complain about Mill Avenue. It's easy to want more than our downtown can provide. But it's also easy to see that a lot of people enjoy downtown Tempe every day. It's a big party and a vital part of the ASU experience.
I do hereby solemnly resolve to stop calling it Clown Town.
Tim Agne is a journalism senior. Reach him at tim.agne@asu.edu.
