It would be nice if there was a horror movie where all the characters weren't complete idiots.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, a remake of the famed 1974 movie, doesn't change the trend. The main characters, college kids on their way to a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, get thrown into a horrific situation and do really dumb things to make their plight worse. The things they do are things that no normal person with a functioning brain would do.
Even if you haven't seen the original TCM, and haven't heard of it before now, you can probably guess the plot: kids meet crazy guy with chainsaw, then get killed by crazy guy with chainsaw. There is no other plot, no back story and no character development. In a way, that's a good thing. I can only imagine how much dumber these characters would be if they talked more.
Since I haven't seen the original TCM, I can't really compare that one to the remake, starring scream-queen-in-the-making Jessica Biel, of the WB's "Seventh Heaven." However, I'll take a wild guess and assume that the new version has more blood in it. And I do mean "more." There is quite a lot of gore in this movie, and if you're like me, you'll be shutting your eyes a couple of times in the film.
Enough about the blood, though. Is the movie any good? Yes and no. There's certainly a fair amount of style in the film from first-time director Marcus Nispel, who's been directing music videos for awhile.
The problem is that there's too much style. For example, the thin plot is set in motion when the college kids pick up a dazed hitchhiker. She talks about how "they're all dead," then pulls out a gun and shoots herself. And you can bet that this suicide is shown onscreen. However, for Nispel, this scene isn't enough. No, after this, we see a point-of-view shot as the college kids look at this in horror and disgust; the camera then pulls back through the hole made in the girl's head (this is also quite gruesome), and through the window of the car the kids are driving. Do we really need to see something so icky in a movie?
That's the main problem with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It's very gruesome and off-putting. More often than not, you'll cringe, not scream.
Then there's Leatherface, the guy wielding the chainsaw. He's not really disgusting himself, because we barely get a good look at his face (he's often shrouded in darkness). Still, do we need an explanation as to the state of his normal face and how it became so weird-looking?
Also, Leatherface isn't even the scariest character in the movie. That honor would go to the very creepy sheriff in the movie, portrayed by R. Lee Ermey, of Full Metal Jacket fame. I only jumped in shock twice at this movie, and both times were because of Ermey. He'll curdle your blood.
Biel also does an adequate job as Erin, the only character in the movie who's got morals. It's nice to have a female character not just scream throughout a horror movie. Here's a young woman you don't want to mess with.
The one reason why the new TCM fails is because the audience will never forget it is watching a movie. During one or two very tense scenes, you feel like you're also being chased by a chainsaw-wielding lunatic, but for the most part, this is a cold movie. It's too grisly and gross to be truly horrifying.
Josh Spiegel is an entertainment reporter for the Web Devil. Reach him at joshua.spiegel@asu.edu.
