Remember the episode of the Simpsons where the whole family travels to Japan? They watch a seizure-inducing cartoon and fall to the floor, eye balls swirling and bodies convulsing.
EA Sports' newest snowboarding game, SSX3, had the same effect on me, and I'm seriously considering a call to a neurologist-just to make sure I don't have epilepsy.
The game consists of single freestyle point building events and multi-boarder races. Players can choose to be one of ten different snowboarders each of whom have trust-fund baby or "my parents smoked too much weed and played too much Atari" names: Kaori, Allegra, Mac, Nate, Elise, Viggo, Griff, Psymon, Moby or Zoe. Their clothes, hairstyles and boards can be changed, but the selection is limited.
Boarders can perform freestyle tricks to earn points that unlock more advanced mountain trails. Races on the lower mountain, or beginner trails, allow you to hone your skills and learns the ropes. Back country trails are also available. Winning the back country race enables you to compete in the peak event, challenging your closest competitor.
Visually, the game is pretty fantastic. Giant pine trees and pretty wicked rocks line the trails, and boarders plow through powder and icier snow. The problems begin, however, as you begin to pick up speed. Once you accelerate beyond 15 mph, it's almost impossible to see where you're going, making it even more impossible to stay upright on your board. The Metro City course is entirely un-navigable-blinking lights and poorly placed grates and railings are more conducive to riding a skateboard through a rave.
Perhaps the most ridiculous aspect of this game is the meaningless, juvenile banter between boarders. As one boarder passed me after I slammed head-first into a boulder, he remarked, "get it together, Zoe." Oh ok. Thanks. Let me just re-set my nose.
All in all, SSX is a great game for snowboard crazy teenagers stuck in Phoenix. But for anyone who likes to see where they're going as they speed down a mountain, this game isn't for you. I'd give it 2.5 stars out of 5.
Reach the reporter at kelly.vaughn@asu.edu
