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Don't I know you?:Get out of my way

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Don´t I Know You Diva, Erika Wurst, is stepping down and passing the torch.

You haven't read the last of Erika Wurst. You have read the last "Don't I Know You" article of Ms. Wurst, but you haven't read the last of her.

That's right, the Queen of Commentary and assistant editor of SPM is retiring as the "Don't I Know You Diva" and moving on to bigger and better things.

Like many of you, I have shed tears and drowned in a pitiful sorrow upon hearing this news. I have wallowed in sadness and contemplated why life is worth living without Erika Wurst. She is a beloved writer and a beautiful person, and the magazine just won't be the same without her.

That being said, my spirits were brightened when Ms. Wurst approached me about taking over the "Don't I Know You?" command. Now, because I'm an intrinsically selfish and egotistical person, I gladly accepted the position and told that good-for-nothing loser, Wurst, that she needed to clear her desk immediately and make room for me.

Just when I thought I had finally pushed Ms. Wurst out of my life for good, I found out I had to interview her as my first "Don't I Know You?" subject. Oh, well. At least I get to experiment:

SPM: So Ms. Wurst, don't I know you?

Wurst: Yeah, dumbass, you work for me.

SPM: Ouch. OK, give me the basics. Why'd you get involved with the State Press Magazine?

Wurst: I'm a nerd. I like to write and talk to people.

SPM: Wow, thanks for the great interview material. People will eat that up. Where do you come up with such originality?

Wurst: I like telling stories and having the chance to be creative because there's no creativity in school. Everything's, like, stupid editing projects.

SPM: That's a lot of editing projects. Speaking of lots, you've interviewed a lot of intriguing people this semester as well. From short skirts, to ASU idols, to egotistical hookah smokers, who's been your favorite interview?

Wurst: Probably Yasser [Alamoodi]. He's crazy. He makes you think of things you normally wouldn't, and he likes to argue. He also likes to talk a lot, so it makes it easy to fill an article. Even though he made me cry because he hated my article, I think he was my favorite.

SPM: With a name like Wurst, how can you be so good?

Wurst: You're so cheesy.

SPM: No, I'm Tyler Thompson. Ha, get it? But seriously, haven't you been made fun of because of your name?

Wurst: Yeah, we used to be called the "Wurst" kids on the block, and we always got jokes about bratwurst.

SPM: What is your dream job?

Wurst: Writing for Maxim. I want to be raunchy and have fun. I like writing nasty stuff.

SPM: Sounds like you should pursue Playboy. So your dream job is to work for Maxim, do you have a dream man?

Wurst: I already have one. He's my little photo man. He's my little baby.

SPM: OK, that's a tad too much information. I'm sorry to hear that he's so little. I thought you were moving on to bigger and better things. But since you are leaving, is it sad for you to go?

Wurst: No, I'm excited. I mean it's sad, but you can only take so much of the basement at the Matthews Center. I'm always down in the basement.

SPM: So you don't like to go down anymore? I hope that's not because of your dream man.

With school and working as an editor and writer for the magazine, was it hard to balance your schedule? Did you ever relax?

Wurst: No, I seriously don't. I'm a nerd.

SPM: Yeah, I know. You already told me that.

Wurst: I make lists of things to do and cross them out once I've done them. The lists are both curses and blessings. I cross one thing out, but there's always the next thing staring me in the face.

SPM: Crazy how it works that way. Now you're crossing out State Press Magazine. I'm worried because I have pretty skinny feet. Will I be able to fill your shoes?

Wurst: No.

SPM: Thanks for the confidence.

Wurst: I have really ugly feet.

SPM: Last question: If I ever need your help, can I call you?

Wurst: Of course you can. I'd be happy to help.

SPM: Well thank you and good luck with wherever your career may take you.

Now, get out of my way.

Reach the reporter at tyler.thompson@asu.edu.


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