Turning the big "21" only happens once. For me, that "once" was last Thursday, and in celebration, I headed to Vegas where I could fulfill all the pleasures that come with being of age in one spot.
There were two things I didn't expect to happen however. The first being, I won! That's right. $300 bucks on my first pull; Sizzling 7's came through.
Secondly, I rubbed elbows with some stars. OK, just one. But let's just say he's "big" enough to count as at least three of your average celebrities.
While skipping the line at the Palms and making my way to the V.I.P sky boxes at Rain, thanks to my friend Kyle, whose uncle really hooked it up, I saw an opportunity I couldn't pass up.
Ron Jeremy was chatting it up with some fans while ordering a drink at the bar. A little on the tipsy side, I summoned the courage to strike up a conversation. To my surprise, Jeremy was more than willing to talk to my measly self.
Maybe it was because I said it was my birthday, or maybe it had something to do with the tiny black shirt I was wearing and my ample cleavage. Either way ... I bagged an interview with the King of Porn himself.
Straight from Las Vegas, dishing it out about the STDs, his two weeks living with Vanilla Ice on the Surreal Life and how he manages to consistently woo the ladies, I bring you in all his glory: Ron Jeremy.
SPM: Don't I know you?
Jeremy: I don't think I've had the fortune of working with you yet.
SPM: So, how many women have you had the fortune of working with?
Jeremy: Between 3,000 and 4,000 people. And yourself?
SPM: Whoa there. Who's doing the interviewing here? So how does one break out into the porn industry, just in case this journalist bit doesn't work out.
Jeremy: Well in '78 an old girlfriend sent in a photo of me to Playgirl for this "boy next door" issue. Needless to say, they took a liking to me.
SPM: I know what they took a liking to ... how big is "it?"
Jeremy: Go out and buy a replica to see for yourself. They have those you know.
SPM: I have two. Just kidding. So, you were just on "The Surreal Life." I watched it religiously. What was that like?
Jeremy: We had a blast. Tammy Faye and Eric Estrada. Rob Van Winkle ... It was just a bunch of people you'd probably never see together living with each other.
SPM: It was funny to watch. What was the most surprising thing about the group?
Jeremy: The fact that Tracy [Bingham] had a fiancé.
SPM: You couldn't tell from watching it. Ha ha. She was all over you.
Jeremy: Most girls are.
SPM: So, ever had any bad luck with chicks? You know, "get the gift that keeps on giving?"
Jeremy: I haven't contracted anything since being in the industry. I get tested every month. But, when I was a teacher, I got gonorrhea. It wasn't too cool, but I probably don't need to tell you guys; I bet there's lots of that lurking around ASU. Weren't you voted Playboy's no. 1 party school?
SPM: We sure were-our pride and joy.
Jeremy: Probably gets pretty rowdy. I should check it out.
SPM: We'd love to have you. Well, I'm running out of napkin space here, and I bet you have someone or "something" to get back to. Thanks for the chat!
Jeremy: No problem, you enjoy yourself tonight.
SPM: Oh, I will.
And that's where it ended. I went my way and the "hedgehog" went his. Everything in this story is completely true...well, except the fact that I interviewed Ron Jeremy. That's just a little April Fool's joke ... PUNKED! Viva Las Vegas!
If you fell for it, or just think this was really stupid, drop me a line and let me know. Reach me at erika.wurst@asu.edu, and tell me who you fooled today.
