In an epic clash of the Talk Back titans, Bryan Wynne stood victorious. What was supposed to be a jalapeno popper-eating contest at the Memorial Union fountain turned old-school as four Talk Back combatants ditched the appetizers in favor of gallons of milk.
Wynne finished his gallon before challengers Crazy C. The fake Bryan Wynne also fell short, proving you can't beat the original.
Big D was not in attendance, but he was replaced by a guy who, for the sake of the contest, decided to call himself 'Big D' for the afternoon and drink a bunch of milk. Participants and bystanders decided the new Big D probably had a bigger D than the original Big D.
And as the Talk Back staff (which consists only of me) was getting ready to crown Bryan Wynne the undisputed king of all Talk Backs, controversy lit up the lines when an anonymous girl left the following:
Cheating: "I was at the milk-drinking contest today, and I have actual videotape of the contest, and it seems to me that Bryan-Ryan whatever his Wynne cheated when he was throwing up by dumping some of the milk out, and I would just like to let you all know that he is a cheater. Bye."
So until the committee reviews the evidence, Wynne's victory will be bittersweet. But it's not about winning. As Crazy C told me, it's about turning the ridiculousness of Talk Backs into real-life ridiculousness. The moral is that when you create an open forum for opinionated discussion, dudes will ultimately throw up milk into a fountain. God bless America.
Reach the reporter at tim.agne@asu.edu.
