Cheating occurs in all types of relationships: straight, gay, dating, marriage and in a variety of ways. But maybe it's not the cheater's fault -- we live in a sexed-up world where no one even knows what the "rules" of cheating really are.
"We were on a BREAK!" Everyone remembers this now-famous line from Friends and the great debate over whether Ross' one-night stand should be considered cheating. The question of what constitutes cheating affects the majority in the dating scene.
"Once a cheater, always a cheater," is how Rachel's mother described Ross on the show. But if he didn't believe he cheated, did he deserve the title? Together the Founding Fathers agreed on what it meant to be a good American, and religions have been able to educate people about the difference between good and evil, yet no one can agree on what it means to be faithful in a relationship.
Today, cheating is not only physical, but phone and cyber sex are becoming more common.
Most people in their lives will be cheated on or will be the "cheatee" in a relationship
Brave enough to share her story, Abby Barkeim, an education senior, confessed that she cheated in a past relationship. When she moved away from home, a long-distance relationship proved too hard for Barkeim to deal with.
"I was lonely," Barkeim says. She says she was more ashamed of how her boyfriend had to find out than the actual act itself.
"He heard rumors, and I lied of course." But she says the truth was eventually revealed, "I was busted. Royally busted."
It turned out the boyfriend was distant friends with the other man, which brought the lie to an end. The boyfriend called Barkeim and questioned her about the rumors and she denied them. Then the voice changed on the end of the line -- it was the other man.
She was caught.
But sometimes cheating isn't so cut and dry. With a multitude of definitions of what cheating really means, it's hard to know how what is and isn't. Everyone has an opinion on this kiss-and-(maybe)-tell story.
Hip-hop artist Ludicrous raps in his hit song, "Area Codes," that "I've got ho's, in different area codes." Some would call this cheating; others see some underlying magic in the three digits of an area code that wipes the slate clean.
Students at ASU have their own theories. Economics junior Matthew Grill said, "It depends on the individual. It's whatever you feel guilty about."
Kristen Kelley, a broadcasting senior, said she feels cheating is a little more black and white. "Cheating is anything you have done that you can't tell your partner about," she said.
With no definite answer yet of what cheating is, it's time to bring in the expert. Family studies professor and advisor Lois Goldblatt researches cheating and has clear-cut ideas on the matter.
Goldblatt says when your suspicions start to rise, there are certain signs to look for.
"When a partner begins to distance him/herself from the relationship. The partner has other things on their mind. When a partner becomes defensive and moody and is unwilling to share certain aspects of his/her life, it may indicate a red flag for the relationship," Goldblatt says.
"Meeting over the Internet has become a popular way for people to seek out extramarital partners. So spending too many hours on the computer with the door locked could definitely be a sign," she adds.
And although some might try to fudge the definition of cheating to suit their lusty desires, Goldblatt has reached a definition a little truer to the heart. Researchers in her department define cheating as "conventional adultery, or having sexual relationships outside of marriage. It can be a one-night stand or it can last for years."
So maybe Ross was right. If they were on a break, it wasn't cheating.
Then again, maybe not.
Reach the reporter at rebecca.clark@asu.edu.
