Let the games begin -- the caliber of ASU women has been contested. The offenders in question: The Cornell Daily Sun's "The Ultimate Trip" section. The challenge: Cornell women have ASU women beat hands down in every arena except physical beauty.
(Insert knuckle cracking, sneering and eye narrowing here).
In assistant sports editor Kyle Sheahen's Oct. 21 article, he empathizes with the ubiquitous bemoaning of his fellow Cornell males and their never-ending shortage of "hot chicks" at his school.
Enter ASU: where Sheahen makes the accurate observation that our campus is rather blessed in the attractive category.
Yeah, Sheahen gives props to our fine females' facades...but his flattery stops there. We understand he has loyalties, but the preschool dialogue he befits to the "Lust-Inspiring Sorority Sun Devil No. 1" and "Mouth-Wateringly Beautiful Sun Devil No. 2" is not indicative of typical collegial dialogue (save perhaps at UA).
Mind you, we learned a long time ago that referring to women as chicks and never looking above their chest lessens your chances at any school.
Granted, ASU isn't breaking every record in the academic community, but beauty and academic prowess are not mutually exclusive. And you have to stray further than the first-years who enrolled only after reading the ratings for ASU as a party school.
Every freshman, male or "chick," starts out a little ditzy. If our sell-out campus does anything, it turns naive students into business majors overnight.
Had Sheahen stepped off the lawn and into a classroom, he would have seen the same beautiful women hitting the books; he would have seen them leave class and go to work ('cause ASU students don't all have Daddy's credit card); and he would have seen the same women represented at the bars that night.
Of course, you've got to expect this kind of endurance with ASU students -- we don't get snow days here, Sheahen. Juggling school, work and a social life is a year-round activity.
But you have our sympathies. You guys have got to be freezing there. You probably do have hot chicks; they're just buried beneath 20 pounds of clothing.
One semester at Cornell and we wouldn't be screaming "Ithica!" but "Attica!"
Oh yeah, you forgot to add to our party school accolades the fact that we just hosted the presidential debate and are home to a recent Nobel Prize winner.
And where did he find the so-called Bush supporters who weren't sure whom to vote for? We call that bluff; our Republican women are hardcore.
Not to mention this is all coming from the bastard child of Ivy League schools. We've got to figure some of Sheahen's jealously comes from scoring no more than his school's football team.
Sheahen, just because you got shot down, and the only digits you accrued here began with "555," don't hate us 'cause you ain't us.
Perhaps you'll have better luck scoring at UA.
