Every situation in life can be compared to an episode of "Seinfeld." Whether it's waiting for a table at a Chinese restaurant or accidentally impersonating the leader of a white supremacist cult, everybody can relate to the antics of the characters of this television show.
Accordingly, the powers that be at Hayden Library certainly should see some of themselves in the character Bookman, who makes his living as a cop for the New York Public Library.
As if my nerd credentials aren't impeccable already, it should be noted that I love the library. I often find myself in Hayden Library searching for a good read, doing research or hitting on the cute librarians.
Also, Hayden Library serves as type of video rental center, where I can check out movies like Michael Moore's "Roger & Me" and "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf," whose author Edward Albee will soon be at Gammage Auditorium to give what should be an outstanding speech.
Alas, it is these two videos that now have created a rift between myself and the Hayden Library management.
The official video rental policy of Hayden Library is that all videos can be checked out for a period of one week. However, the library offers no extended checkout privileges to honors college students on videos, and they charge an absurd $2 a day late fee per video.
It appears Sheriff Joe Arpaio has had quite a profound influence on the discipline policy of Hayden Library. A miniature "Tent City" for library felons on the fourth floor of Hayden Stacks doesn't seem far-fetched, as the Hayden Library's get-tough-on-crime stance has become increasingly clear to me in the past few days.
On Oct. 22, I received the decision of my $4 library fine appeal from Ginny Sylvester, whose title is "Head/Access Services" -- whatever that means. I returned the two aforementioned videos one day late, absent from class on the due date because of sickness. As soon as I felt well enough to bike to Hayden Library, I did so.
These dilapidated tapes, which I returned one day late, are now the source of a large financial loss all because I did not feel well enough to ride my bike on their due date.
Sylvester's refusal to grant a waiver for my fines demonstrates the largest problem with libraries: they are too obsessed with law and order to see the shades of grey that exist in the world.
Sylvester's letter says that, "out of fairness to all our many other library users who have followed our loan policy or paid their fines, I cannot cancel the late fines you have been assessed."
When looking at life through the eyes of a librarian, it seems the world becomes entirely black and white and empty of individual circumstances and sickness.
Maybe Sylvester's letter should have read, "Out of all the other people whom Hayden Library has screwed over with ridiculous late fines, we feel it is only fair to offer you a raw deal, too."
But this strikes a larger issue than the library simply mimicking the behavior of "Seinfeld's" oppressive library cop, Bookman, who until recently I thought was only a creature of fiction. The bigger issue is the stupidity of the library's appeal process.
This process is nothing more than an opiate for the masses. Its function is to placate us by making us feel like we've been given a fair trial, when in fact our fates have already been sealed.
For example, after completing the appeal process to obtain a temporary pass that enables me to continue checking out books, the lady working at the billing desk informed me that I had essentially no chance of getting my fines overturned. I asked her if that meant I had a one percent chance and she responded that my chances were closer to zero percent.
Thanks for the optimism!
Instead of looking for opportunities to punish me excessively, perhaps ASU should be happy I'm actually using the library. I plan on fighting these fines as long as possible. My $4 should be going towards buying a cup of coffee (thanks to Starbucks' new prices), not to the pockets of people like Sylvester.
But I better watch what I say, because Bookman could be knocking on my door any minute now.
Macy Hanson is a political science and philosophy major who now has no chance of getting his fines overturned. Reach him at macy.hanson@asu.edu
