Skip to Content, Navigation, or Footer.

Spratling: Who brought the weird guy?

ericspratling
Eric Spratling
The State Press

Nothing brings out the crazies like a visit from the president.

That's the lesson I re-learned last Wednesday, staying on campus for a good seven hours to demonstrate with my fellow conservatives (most of it in "the trenches," i.e., in front of the Memorial Union or on Hayden Lawn). It had been a long time since the protests over our endless "rush" to war in 2002 and 2003, so I'd really forgotten how energizing it is to wave signs, cheer slogans and have spirited debate with complete idiots.

For instance, did you know that the United States is the only civilized country that doesn't have "universal" health care? Like, oh my gosh!

That's not fair. Many, if not most, of the liberals who showed up to inform me "Bush lied, people died" were more or less tolerable and well-intentioned. I was missing the mainstream Democrats as the afternoon wore on and the real psychos showed up.

"Mainstream" and "tolerable" only have so much applicability to these folks. By the time a couple hours had passed, I had lost count of how many times we had to remove pro-Kerry stickers from either our clothes or our signs, placed there stealthily by some progressive whose idea of political debate was apparently to deface the other side's property.

A few young ladies even made it their mission to stick signs on the backs of Bush supporters that read (and I know this because my back was one lucky recipient): "I'm voting for Bush because I'm an a-hole and that's what a-holes do."

These charming women may have represented a fringe, but the Young Democrats never have. So, I was aghast when I saw a giant sign at their table admonishing me to "Vote for stem cell research in honor of [Superman symbol]." Well, at least the YDs waited until Chris Reeve's body was cold to exploit his death; certainly more than John Kerry can say.

Oh, and kids: I know you think it's the height of originality and wit to make the earth-shattering connection that "Bush" and "Dick" are the names of our chief executives as well as slang terms for human genitalia. But honestly, the gag was old in 1999 and the past five years haven't made it any fresher. Get a new thing.

But like I said, all that was really a prelude. Some time in the early evening the genuine, honest-to-goodness Looney Tunes descended upon Hayden Lawn in all their assorted anarchist/socialist/nudist glory. I'm not kidding on that last one, by the way: apparently, someone decided it was a persuasive protest to have overweight women trot around in nothing but flesh-colored bloomers and anti-Bush stickers over their nipples.

Standing amidst the unwashed masses resolutely gripping an oversized Bush/Cheney sign and holding firm against middle-aged women trying to shove me aside like children in a lunch line, I realized not only had I forgotten how energizing protesting is, I'd also forgotten just how many people show up to protest against Bush who are (to put it in scientific terms) simply batshit.

The crowd around me and my friends regularly broke out into chants of "Bush lied, people died!" "Stop burning Iraqi babies!" and "CNN lies!" (for parroting the president's war propaganda, it was later explained).

There are no words to describe the dementia of that evening's crowd; you simply had to experience it for yourself. These are people whose ideology is based entirely on hatred -- of Bush, America, Israel, capitalism, etc. -- and anyone who challenges their viewpoint is not just a liar, but one of "them."

The highlight of my day was the incident where a man standing next to me saw my Army T-shirt and snarled, "Shouldn't you be out raping and murdering and bombing innocent people?" The response I gave him isn't printable by State Press standards.

The hardcore, hate-Bush crowd may sound laughable, but their numbers are surprisingly high and too often they share an alarming proximity to the mainstream left. That blurred line is something we got to see up close and personal thanks to the last debate coming to our campus.

Kind of ironic, though: all that ruckus just to set up a forum for us to find out Kerry is obsessed with lesbians.

Eric Spratling is public relations senior who'll be raping/murdering/bombing innocents right after graduation. Call him a baby killer at Eric.Spratling@asu.edu.


Continue supporting student journalism and donate to The State Press today.

Subscribe to Pressing Matters



×

Notice

This website uses cookies to make your experience better and easier. By using this website you consent to our use of cookies. For more information, please see our Cookie Policy.