It's about time we all paid some overdue tribute to ASU's winded and weary travelers. Yes, I'm referring to all the poor and unfortunate souls who journey each day from the isolated car park near Rio Salado Parkway and Packard Drive. You all know who you are ... the terribly tardy, the frequently frustrated and the consistently cramped.
Chances are, even if you are blessed enough to have a parking spot within a 10-mile radius of campus, you are bound to know someone caught up in a bad case of the wish-I-was-closer, have-to-park-in-a-different-zip-code Lot 59 blues.
Maybe I should get in contact with B.B. King. I think I have the makings of his next Grammy-awarded hit. I imagine he would follow the tune of Elvis Presley's "Heartbreak Hotel" and begin like this:
Ever since I bought my parking pass,I've lost a lot of weight;
Gotta worry about whether my car is safe,
For class, I'm always late...
I'm so tardy,
I'm so tardy,
I'm so tardy 'cause of 59!
Now, I do have a slight advantage over many 59ers, because I chose to pay an extra $150 for Parking Structure 7. In essence, I'm better off than the average 59er, but I am still stuck with severely long walks to my classes. Lot 59 is an inconvenience to all. There's no running back to my car to grab my Later Middle Ages history paper on the front seat of my 2000 Turbo Beetle. And recently, with the weather as wet as it has been, trekking from Lot 59 has become an even greater adventure.
Call me unprepared, but I thought I moved from Illinois to get away from crappy weather! My forgetfulness to bring an umbrella coupled with a tiresome journey from the far reaches of campus make for unsavory days. I'm drenched by the time my 15-20 minute walk reaches the Education Lecture Hall. After a 50-minute dry-off session otherwise known as JMC 201, I'm left to trudge along in the rain back to the dreaded lot distanced from any shred of civilization!
I know this is where I should tell myself that things could be worse, but I'll save that line for the still-unsatisfied, card-toting members of Parking Structures 1, 3 and 4. Because, for all of you, the only place worse than the lot you're already in, is good ol' Lot 59.
So, three cheers for the noble, valiant bunch who do their very best to make it to class on time. Your hardships do not go unnoticed. Always stand tall and proud because you have seen the worst of it (parking-wise). Raise your chin, unfurl your brow, and remember that there is hope for all of us 59ers. After all, when you hit rock-bottom in car lot choices, the only places left to park are closer to ASU. That, my friends, is nice to know.
Jimmy Shoffman is a freelance columnist for the Web Devil. Reach him at james.shoffman@asu.edu.
