As sportswriters, somewhere in the description it says that we cannot root for a team we're covering.
I found a loophole Saturday for the ASU-UA men's hockey club game in Tucson.
Ready for a game between two club teams -- not a sport, technically -- I packed up the car with my roommate, his girlfriend and his cousin to watch ASU take on UA.
I guess you can say it was my own adventures in "gonzo" journalism (thanks for the memories, HST).
After some homemade lasagna, we met in a lot outside the Tucson Convention Center and saw not one, but two people hit parked cars. They were simply backing up, and they waited until they had hit the car behind them to stop.
Two times in less than five minutes.
The hilarity of the absurd continued inside the arena when I was told I couldn't buy beer because my driver's license says I have been 21 for only two months.
Read that sentence one more time.
According to the woman at the concession stand, I couldn't buy beer because I still have the label on my license that says I don't turn 21 until Dec. 8, 2004. After consulting with a Tucson police officer -- he was a pretty nice guy for a cop -- he said he wouldn't stop me from drinking. Someone else just needed to buy the beer for me.
On this trip alone, I now have even more reason to hate Tucson. Also, toss in poor street drainage and red-light pedestrian crosswalks.
The four of us sat down in a sea of red and blue and tried to blend in with the other ASU fans. There were about 50 of them. UA had about 4,000 fans -- and they let us know after every UA goal and even more at the first intermission, as the Ice Cats jumped to a 3-1 lead.
Leading the smear campaign were three UA fans in cowboy hats who didn't appreciate our fashion sense. Whenever we started an ASU chant, they responded with "sucks."
I never said they were original, just poorly dressed.
To make matters worse, they were drinking bottled water. Just like before, feel free to read that one over again.
What's next? Are they going to bust out Diet Skoal? I peppered them with insults the rest of the game.
ASU scored a goal in the second period and drew even midway through the third. We all thought the game was headed to overtime until UA scored the probable game winner with 24 seconds left.
With nine seconds to go, ASU called a timeout and drew up the score-a-goal-in-nine-seconds play. It took five seconds.
I had never seen an entire arena just clam up. ASU won the game in overtime, and we left victorious. Maybe the cowboys went home to watch "Pure Country" or "The Cowboy Way" or to do shots of Aquafina. They didn't take time to answer.
Still decked out in maroon and gold, we rolled over to the Wildcat House, a Tucson bar. For the first time in my life, I wasn't let in. The bouncer said, "I wouldn't have fun anyway."
Ten minutes later, and for the second time in my life, I wasn't let into another bar, The Shanty. The bouncer informed me they didn't allow people wearing jerseys in the bar. I asked for his written policy, and he said he wasn't allowed to show it to me.
We made it home in one piece. ASU is going to the national tournament in Illinois. And UA will have plenty of time to work on its golf game.
The Tao of Zow is the weekly column of assistant sports editor Jeff Hoodzow. If you have any questions, comments or rumors to report, please feel free to e-mail him at TaoofZow@gmail.com.