Spring is in full swing, the summer is fast approaching and love is in the air. We've moved through the Valentine's Day breakups, the random spring break hook-ups and now we find ourselves face to face with the prospects of summer love.
But before we get there, I have an important question for the ladies out there.
What do you want?
I should probably narrow that down: Do you want a metrosexual or not? I, we, need to know.
(For those of you who don't know what "metro" is, find "South Park" Episode 104 for an in-depth explanation.)
Ladies, the decision of whether to go metro is worrying many men out there. In fact, this decision is hurting dating overall.
There was a time when you knew a man liked women based on certain indicators. Just like poker, there were certain "tells" as to a man's preferences when it came to love.
His well-meaning but eventual failure at fashion, his ability to cook basic cuisine consisting of meat, starch and one vegetable and his dogmatic refusal to enter a nail salon. These were indicators that all sides, men and women, used to identify players in love.
This was also a time when you knew a man liked men based on other indicators. The ability to accurately use words like "gorgeous" when describing an object, masterful fashion (including pink) and perfectly sculpted eyebrows were, again, clear indicators all sides used.
Today, however, these indicators are becoming blurred, with the most brazen and passionate of womanizers sporting shaved arms and legs and the most eloquent and avid gay men wearing red flannel.
I am certainly not attempting to degrade metrosexuals, men who like women, men who like men, the reverse or either who likes both (though I think the latter is being a little greedy).
Some people may say this atrophy of labels and rules is a good thing -- people will refrain from judging a book by its cover. But those to whom I've talked seem to think labels hurt dating, rather than help equality.
This brave new world seems to hit men especially hard. We barely understood the old labels and rules. But they seemed pretty straightforward, so we dealt with them. All sides understood where the other sides sat.
If these old conventions keep crumbling, though, dating is going to be totally boned. Imagine the confused Casanova trying to woo a woman with a steak, pink apron and total misuse of the word "gorgeous."
Sure, it could be argued that this is forcing people to get to know each other before they choose a romantic partner -- forcing guys to be themselves when it comes to love. But people know smoking is bad for them, and yet they do it anyway. People do many things they shouldn't.
This is why it's hurting dating. Ladies need to decide what they want -- metro or not -- so guys can adjust.
The problems I'm talking about are already here. One woman I talked to has had some problems with past metro-beaus.
"That was one of the problems with my ex," she said. "He was more in love with himself than with me."
And a gay male I spoke with is rather perturbed by the new world as well.
"Many of these jerks just want to [explicative] a girl [preposition][article][explicative]," he said. "If that's what they want, and they're going to take our fashion as well, just be a [explicative]."
Ladies, what do you want? Guys need to know. Most of us -- myself included -- are totally inept when it comes to understanding you.
Please help us. Help you. Help dating.
Chris Guelpa is a journalism senior. Reach him at christopher.guelpa.com.