After accomplishing two years of cellular service with Verizon, I went to the store last week to upgrade my junky T720 phone with a new, flashy model stocked with all the gadgets.
Of course, the salesperson was quick to discuss calling plans that boast hundreds of free minutes and absolutely NO roaming charges. As I listened, I recalled my past relationships to realize something. I had overlooked the key to surviving the cell-phone bill massacre that took place every month at my house.
None of the girls I had dated in the past were IN.
As cell phones continue their climb up the rungs on the ladder of life's necessities, it becomes more and more evident how lost we are without them. Cell phones have permeated our culture and influenced many aspects of life, including dating.
Some girls I've dated were faithful to Cingular, while others pledged allegiance to Sprint. I had concluded that my outrageous fees on the monthly bill summary were the result of failed relationships with non-Verizon gals.
If I had been more selective in my choices of lady friends, I could have drastically reduced the ungodly amounts I had owed to Verizon in the past.
At that register, I experienced an epiphany. My standards in dating were about to change.
I'm sorry all you T-Mobile ladies, Sprint babes, Cingular girls and Cricket hotties. I only date Verizon vixens now. I'm going to throw out the dramatically overused pick-up line asking girls about their astrological sign for a revamped repertoire. From now on, I'm asking, "Hey baby, are you IN?"
Now, I know that I've let you ladies down. You probably don't feel like you're going to get a fair chance to experience me by your side.
I've got an easy solution to that problem. Get IN. Sign up with Verizon's IN Network calling plan, and all calls we make to each other are free.
Don't worry, sweetheart. With all the money I will be saving by not making calls to non-Verizon customers, I'll have more money to spend on fancy dinners with you that don't come in a paper bag labeled McDonald's.
I'm IN. What are you waiting for?
Jimmy Shoffman is a surprisingly eligible bachelor looking for love in all the wrong places. Ladies, save him from solitude. Reach him at james.shoffman@asu.edu.
