While Rosa Parks' body graced the Capitol rotunda, there was a strange energy in the air. As thousands of people visited the building to pay homage to Parks, one person in particular took time out of his busy schedule for remorseful contemplation--Supreme Court Nominee Samuel A. Alito Jr.
The following is a conversation between Parks and Alito, the result of transcendental cosmic telepathy between the living and the dead, something not fully understood by the author of this column.
Alito: Rosa? Rosa, can you hear me?
Parks: Satan?
Alito: Almost, it's Supreme Court Nominee Samuel Alito Jr. Due to the critical eye of the masses spotlighted on me at the moment, it seemed only appropriate to visit you here in the rotunda as a sign of respect.
Parks: You would have shown more respect by not coming at all. Who let you in anyway? Do you even have any idea who I am?
Alito: You're the one who wrote "Uncle Tom's Cabin," right?
Parks: That was Harriet Beecher Stowe. I'm the civil rights bus lady, remember?
Alito: Oh, right. That's what I meant. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for taking everything in stride.
Parks: Well, I guess I appreciate the gesture, but you should be busy paying respect to the living, not the dead.
Alito: What do you mean?
Parks: I have been checking you out. Being dead and all, I now have access to the Valhalla Library at the University of Heaven.
Alito: Ooh. Sounds nice.
Parks: Zip it, junior, I'm speaking. As I was saying, a few of your actions show little respect for your fellow man, and especially your fellow woman.
Alito: No respect for women? I respect the way they cook, clean, work for less money and how they should tell their husbands about every facet of their life, including abortions.
Parks: That's the problem, Sammy. Think about your ruling in Chen v. Ashcroft? You denied a man asylum into the United States to flee persecution in China. He and his fiancee were 18 and 19 years of age, below the legal age to obtain a marriage license in China, and expecting a child. After their petition for asylum was denied, Chen's fiancee was forced to have an abortion due to restrictions about childbearing after they could not receive legal marriage status in China.
Your reasoning on this matter relied heavily on the fact that Chen and his fiancee were not married. Additionally, you did not believe his situation involved persecution, stating, "As we have noted, persecution is an extreme concept that does not encompass all treatment that our society regards as unfair, unjust, or even unlawful or unconstitutional. Since when would this not be considered persecution?
Alito: That must have been a long time ago. Don't judge me by some of those early decisions.
Parks: That ruling was in 2004.
Alito: Weird. It seemed like a while ago. That's just one case; everybody is allowed to have a mulligan.
Parks: What about your dissenting opinion in Sheridan v. Dupont, where a woman resigned, accusing her company of sex discrimination?
Alito: Uhh...
Parks: Or what about Bray v. Marriott, where race discrimination was the prime focus? Bray accused Dupont of denying her a promotion based on the color of her skin. You were the only judge opposed to Bray's arguments. It was you who said, "...we are allowing disgruntled employees to impose the costs of trial on employers who, although they have not acted with the intent to discriminate, may have treated their employees unfairly."
Alito: That does sound vaguely familiar, is that paraphrased at all?
Parks: Nope. You wrote that, every word of it. Do you think discrimination is only valid with intent?
Alito: Yes. No. I don't know.
Alito: Taking away rights is what I do.
Alito: (Sobbing hysterically) I'm so sorry.
Parks: Good. Now stop whining, and get out there and make a difference. It's never too late.
The transcript for this conversation and its origins are classified (possibly because it's fictional). In the words of Tom Cruise, as Maverick, in "Top Gun," "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."
Noah Lewkowitz is a graduate student in architecture. You can reach him through transcendental cosmic telepathy or just write to him at noah.lewkowitz@asu.edu.
