The winner of "The Worst Week Ever" goes to... Dubya's number two.
It's almost too easy, like predicting Britney Spears would fail a parenting class.
Dick Cheney also failed, but it was a "safety in firearms" no-brainer.
The National Rifle Association knows how to do it. Rule number one: "Always keep your gun pointed in a safe direction." Fast forward to number four: "Know your target and what is beyond."
On a quail-hunting (not to be confused with Dan Quayle hunting) trip in Texas this weekend, the V.P. hit a fellow hunter with a 28-guage shotgun from a distance of about 30 yards.
The idiot is a 78-year-old Texas lawyer named Harry Whittington.
In true lawyer fashion, he failed to disclose important information and nearly paid the ultimate price by not telling Captain Sure-Shot (who has notorious heart problems and did I mention a gun?) that he was nearby.
The incident happened despite Cheney being surrounded by his Secret Service entourage, which poses the question: What the hell were they doing?
Can you just let a man with a known heart condition run around the Texas countryside with a shotgun?
And who is protecting the innocent bystanders along for the hunt?
According to the NRA's report on the incident, all three members of Cheney's hunting party were wearing the typical bright orange hunting garb, so they could easily be seen. No mention of what the Secret Service was wearing, though I am sure it was the standard Men's Warehouse suit and requisite shades.
It seems to me that someone had better give the vice president of the United States an eye exam, quick!
First, he sees non-existing weapons of mass destruction, a way for his old cronies over at Halliburton to make some serious coin, and now he can't see a bright orange blob from a 30-yard distance. It must be hell to get old, man.
According to numerous reports, no one except for the president was aware of the accident for 14 hours, and it wasn't leaked via illegal wire tapping, or by Scooter Libby.
Thank goodness. I hate to see a good Republican get caught up in a scandal.
As expected, the White House defends this move, again knowing what is best for the people and what we can handle.
At first, it appeared that even this supremely stupid act did not severely injure Whittington, who was moved from intensive care to stable condition on Monday, according The Washington Post.
But on Tuesday, Whittington suffered a minor heart attack and was moved back to intensive care, where he is expected to remain for at least a week.
The heart attack was caused by a piece of birdshot that moved and lodged in his heart.
Cheney's office released a statement saying that Whittington was in "good spirits."
However, that might be contradicted by the hospital's spokesperson, Peter Banko, who notified the media that there is a possibility the birdshot could move around the body, further endangering it.
Well so much for the "stable" condition hospital administrators were so eager to convince us about.
This accident comes the very same week my children's school held a gun safety assembly, where they were presumably taught the very same things Cheney should've been, but with the added bonus of learning a little dance to help them remember.
Perhaps the V.P. should have done the little dance, too.
