They've been known to ride with kings on mighty steeds across the Devil's plain. They claim to have walked with Jesus and his cross (he did not die in vain!). They've blown faces out of a**holes across the world with their brand of acoustic metal, delivering sweaty, energetic rock & roll baptisms that rival Springsteen. They've recorded a classic album and have cemented their place as the "two kings."
I'm talking about Tenacious D, the heavyweight tag team of Jack Black and Kyle Gass. Having found a cult audience since their short-lived HBO series in 1999, the idea of Jables and Rage Kage starring in their own feature film was like a cream dream. Black, however, managed to become a star performer all on his own thanks to movies such as "High Fidelity" and the wonderful "School of Rock." However, he's also made duds like "Envy" and "Nacho Libre" afterwards. Gass had a brief appearance in the Will Ferrell vehicle "Elf," but has largely devoted himself to rock with his side project, Trainwreck.
The history of Tenacious D begins with a young Jack Black (Troy Gentile, also from "Nacho") rockin' the suburbs. After crashing dinner with an outrageous rock song full of f-bombs, Jack's stern father (Meat Loaf, awesome) gives our hero a whuppin' and rips all the rock posters off his bedroom wall. Daddy neglects the Dio poster, and the one-time Black Sabbath front man comes alive and guides Jack to fulfill his rock & roll dreams in Hollywood. Unfortunately, Dio doesn't tell Jack that the Hollywood he should be searching for is on the West Coast.
Once on Venice Beach, a now-adult Jack stumbles upon Kyle Gass, who is wowing passersby with his fleet-fingered renditions of old Bach compositions ("classical sauce"). Gass is about as egotistical as Jack will become, although he reluctantly takes Jack under his wing after four "Clockwork Orange"-style hoods assault the runaway. Although Gass' ruse doesn't last too long (he is living off his parents' money, passing them off as royalty checks), he does teach Jack how to play guitar, how to do a convincing power slide and how to do a push-up using an erection.
Jack and Kyle learn of their destiny together as Tenacious D from the birthmarks on their buttocks. And so it's off to open mic night, just like it was "The Tenacious D Show" all over again. In fact, the second act of the movie is extremely reminiscent of "The Search for Inspirado" short, with the same opening song and the same demand from the emcee (Paul F. Tompkins, reprising his role from the show) that the band write some new songs. This time, the search for "Inspirado" could lead to a $200 prize, enough to pay the rent for Kyle's apartment.
After a failed experiment involving a Pagan sign made out of ketchup, the duo stumble upon the secret of the "pick of destiny." The pick, as a guitar store clerk (Ben Stiller, with Dio wig and fake sideburns) explains, was carved from Satan's chipped tooth and made into a pick by a love-struck, lute-playing blacksmith. It made its way to America in time for Robert Johnson to invent the blues, and has been used by the likes of Pete Townshend, Angus Young and Eddie Van Halen. The pick resides at the Rock & Roll Museum, and thus the adventure begins. Borrowing the car of obsessive fan Lee (Jason Reed), Tenacious D take to the museum in order to steal the pick and become the greatest band in the world, once and for all.
The prospect of a Tenacious D musical, a la "The Blues Brothers," seems too good to be true. Sadly, "The Pick of Destiny" only hints at such potential. Driven by the band's own catchy, off-color rock compositions, the operatic opening sequence alone shows what missed opportunities the film ignores. Only a couple of other moments (particularly a dream sequence replete with...exploding brains!) let loose into hard rockin' fun. For the most part, though, Liam Lynch (who was responsible for the filler-filled "Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic") directs like he was making a 90-minute sketch.
Still, the result is much better than anything from the "SNL" canon since "Wayne's World" (if not as funny and off-kilter as "Borat"). Tenacious D's recurring joke is that they are rock star wannabes who have got the chutzpah, if not the capacity, for the mythic god status of Led Zeppelin or even Rush. Jack Black excels at this sort of thing, and works his best when he gets to do his manic, vulgar monologues on what Spinal Tap called "The Majesty of Rock." It was what made him so charming in "The School of Rock," and here, it's uncensored, untamed Black on all cylinders, wailing and barking and raising his eyebrows like he was possessed by Jack Nicholson. Poor Kyle Gass can only act as the straight man, although he at least knows how to kick it with a tasty groove.
The movie is built with hardcore D-heads in mind, who will catch many of the allusions to Tenacious D's mythical origins. The duo ends up once again finding themselves in a deal with the Devil (rocker Dave Grohl), in which they must rock or else Kyle might end up gargling "mayonnaise." The Sasquatch (an unaccredited John C. Reilly) comes back to Jack in a mushroom-fueled hallucination sequence that is also considerably fun (more so than Kyle's visit to a sorority house). And Kyle still can't figure out how to use a tape recorder when there is something hot.
"The Pick of Destiny" feels as self-indulgent, however, as a bad Yes suite. Had they ditched Lynch, who can't even make a car chase seem like a blast, the D could've come up with a better vehicle. As it is, the whole movie feels too secure, hardly as subversive and whimsical as the live shows and short films with which the D rose to power with. If you like the D, though, then, as one of their songs goes, "It doesn't matter if it is good, it only matters if it rocks."
"Tenacious D in 'The Pick of Destiny'" rocks well, but it isn't on a roll. Why? Cosmic shame, anyone?
Reach the reporter at: john.l.bishop@asu.edu.
