Afraid of a real heart-to-heart? Send a card instead.
Hallmark just announced its intentions to expand its line of greeting cards from the standard birthday and "get well soon" wishes to include such weighty topics as cancer, depression and eating disorders.
The company will also begin ambiguously addressing sexuality issues, with rainbow-bearing cards suggestively reading "Be You!"
The idea of just sending someone a card when you find out they have to go through chemotherapy seemed a little inappropriate to us. But, hey, if that's the new trend, here are a few ideas for cards we had on our own:
"Sorry - you might want to get tested." Nothing says awkward like finding out you have herpes after a wild and crazy spring break in Rocky Point. Why bother with a potentially painful phone call or a tearful breakdown over a cup of coffee?
Inside, there could be a little pocket for your doctor's business card.
"We know it's not easy being green - and we support your decision." Maybe you never really understood that crazy vegan friend of yours who finally traded in his or her bike for a car - albeit one that's a hybrid, or something weird like that. Maybe you've always wanted to tell them that, even though you drive a badass Escalade, you still feel like you can be friends.
This card would be printed with 100 percent recycled paper and ink, naturally.
"Good luck with all of that student debt!" Hey, it's hard being a college student, and if you don't get a scholarship, you can bet on spending the next few years with a hefty payment. If you got a scholarship or are "independently wealthy" thanks to Mom and Dad, let your friends know that you understand why they can't afford to go out to dinner with you.
"Sorry/Congratulations on your random hookup last night!" If you decided to stay home and do some homework instead of going clubbing with your buds, and you wake up the next morning to see some crazy pictures on Facebook, this card is the perfect way to tell them that you understand what happened - even though you couldn't be there!
"Even if you're away at Tent City, we're still under YOUR influence!" You might be feeling a little guilty for letting your friend leave your party wasted, especially since he got busted on his way home and ended up with a DUI conviction.
This card could come with a little pocket for smuggling in candies and cigarettes.
