What is it about love that compels and rivets us so? What is it about love that has made us create countless works of art celebrating it?
We are, have always been, and probably always will be, obsessed with love. But why?
Merriam-Webster defines love as "warm attachment, enthusiasm or devotion," a definition that somehow manages to be technically correct and yet still misses everything that makes love so powerful in the first place.
There are many different kinds of love. Foremost among them are the love one feels for their family and friends, the love one feels for activities that engage them, and, of course, romantic love.
This week the obsession will be based around romantic love, and for good reason. Being in love is the most powerful emotional feeling one can have, filled with unparalleled apexes and nadirs.
The feeling of wanting someone else more than you want anything in the world, the willingness to give anything of yourself for the sake of that other person, and the immense happiness you feel being around that person, make being in love an unforgettable and life-altering experience.
The problem is that many people know of how powerful this experience is, and they become desperate for it. They believe that the only way they can be happy is to be with someone else, and begin to sacrifice everything else that is meaningful in order to save a dying relationship or rush into a new relationship because they are so afraid of being alone.
That isn't the action of someone in love - that is a parasite.
It's ironic that many see the type of love where one becomes so completely immersed in the other that they "cannot live without them" and are "completed by them" as shining examples of love, when in reality they are not.
Indeed, this is often the most selfish kind of sentiment, as at the end of the day a parasite is more concerned about its own survival than the survival of its host.
The truest and most powerful form of romantic love is not co-dependency, but rather the union of two equals
The two lovers can live without the other, but through collaboration, they both benefit and become happier. Consequently, if their needs and wants start to differ from your own, then you seek to reach a compromise but are willing to let go if none can be reached.
This kind of love is truly meaningful because it is a commitment that is willed, not compulsory, and is a commitment to the other person more than oneself.
Many people become parasites to their significant others, or to the concept of love itself, because they have no intrinsic sense of self-worth. You can try to love someone else while hating yourself, but when you do, ask yourself this: Are you really loving that other person for who they are, or how they make you feel?
Indeed, love in any variety implies validation and actualization of one's existence. Everyone loves to feel loved because it is an empowering feeling that gives you a reason to care, a reason to strive, a reason to exist.
At its core, that's what love is: a reason.
As you ponder the meaning of love on this Valentine's Day, think especially hard about your reasons. If you are in a relationship, why are you in one? If not, why not?
Facing the truth and seeking to understand yourself is the first step to finding the happiness that's intrinsic in love.
Reach the repoter at: nicholas.vaidyanathan@asu.edu.
