This entire weekend, my deadline loomed large. And even more sadly for me, when the final buzzer was about to sound, I had still reaped no fruits from my loom.
Tragic, I know.
Indeed, the magic was gone and the clock was about to hit midnight. At about this time, I realized that I had never felt more connected to Cinderella. Well, except for the part where I am not an abused house servant who sees fairy godmothers, pumpkin carriages and mice turning into horses as the result of what can only be assumed as being a complete acid trip.
For that difference, I am thankful. But alas, it still did not get the job done.
Yes, I'm guilty as charged — I procrastinated to the extreme.
What can I say? I'll admit it was bad. In fact, it got so bad that I actually typed the word "procrastination" into Google.com to keep my un-productivity going.
So what, are you going to sue me now for taking things to the last possible minute?
Not likely, because if you do that, you might as well just sue yourself.
Come on, we've all done it.
If there's one issue on campus that doesn't get the attention it deserves for the role it plays in the life of a typical ASU student, this is the one.
Tuition? Check. And a big check at that — literally speaking, of course.
Alcohol? I'm not one to make bold statements, but I'm going to go out on a ledge and say it: people really seem to like the stuff.
In addition, it is as oft-mentioned on campus as, well, alcohol (really, it seems like the only thing ever discussed).
Procrastination is, to take a famous phrase, the elephant in the room. Unfortunately, this elephant is looking more along the lines of one of those terrifying beasts from "Lord of the Rings" rather than cute old Dumbo. Or worse, like one of the gruesome Giuliani, Romney, McCain, Thompson variety of ivory-tusked creatures.
Regardless of how big, or scary, the elephant in the room is — this one takes the "Hey, look at me; I'm an issue!" cake. Procrastination is a borderline epidemic.
According to Psychology Today, about 20 percent of the entire U.S. population identifies themselves as being chronic procrastinators, with a large chunk more procrastinating to a lesser degree.
It is a demographic that rivals seniors (specifically, persons over 65) in sheer numbers. And thinking about those you know around you, you can only imagine how many of those procrastinators are our fellow college students. With the lure of TV, movies, parties, sports, Facebook.com, the Internet in general, and just about anything else you can imagine, concentrating on the task at hand has never been harder. Would you rather do your Biology lab report or watch old SNL clips on YouTube.com?
I rest my case.
So, what are the effects of this growing plague? As if we didn't know the answers firsthand, psychology professors from Carleton University in Canada presented the following conclusions to the American Psychological Association: procrastinators have significantly higher rates of smoking, drinking, digestive ailments, insomnia, cold and flu symptoms and impulse control and self-regulation problems. In addition, risk factors for higher stress, everyday hassles and poor social interactions were present in the college-aged subjects.
Also, the stores are so incredibly packed the day before Christmas that misery ensues for everyone involved. This was not part of their study, but I believe it should have been.
On the plus side for my fellow putter-offers, all of these problems are not immediate health concerns. In other words, they're something that can be worried about later.
But here's the thing: even with the wake of the studies increasing the knowledge across our "procrasti-nation," we still can't help ourselves. It is more or less an addiction. You don't just tell a crack addict to stop doing crack and expect everything to turn out peachy.
You say stop procrastinating; we say it works for us.
I mean, we can even look at Leonardo da Vinci for support. He was one of the most talented men to ever live, but a little known fact is that he is concurrently considered one of the greatest procrastinators to ever live. Naturally, The Last Supper, Mona Lisa and, of course, the famous Code couldn't have just happened with careful planning and flawless execution. It took some well-practiced delay tactics to get them done. Perhaps he was too busy inventing Facebook.com?
Back to modern times, we procrastinators can justify our work by saying "I'd rather be doubly miserable for one night than be miserable all week and get it done" and "I work better under pressure anyway" and other things of that nature.
And yes, we take a lot of pride in knowing that our grades didn't suffer nearly as much as they should have from that last-minute BS essay strung together at the final hour. It seems that for every bit of misery, there is far more redemption.
That is, until you look at the studies. Is it really still worth it?
I don't know. At the very least, it's smart to consider what they have to say. After finding those results, I know I'll at least think twice before starting up my next "procrastinatory" stint. I suggest you do it too; just consider what you're doing to your future, to your health, to your sanity. Just do it before it's too late.
But, of course, if you want to wait it out just a little bit, that's totally cool too.
Ben clearly waited until the last possible moment to write this column. Complain about his immense laziness or really just about anything else at: bberkley@asu.edu.
