What hours did he waste in fear, fear of losing through the years, all too suddenly and quite surprising cheer, for the rivals, down and near?
As an ASU student going on my third year here, I find myself at the crossroads of an identity crisis unlike any I have ever experienced.
For you see, I am of Tucson, Arizona. The very Tucson Arizona that holds the University of Arizona Wildcats, and for those that know the Old Pueblo, they know that Tucson is as much about UA as New York is about the Yankees.
Flash back to Sept. 1, 2005. That was the first time I ever found myself in any sort of dilemma as I looked upon Frank Kush Field for the first time as a freshman. I came to ASU for fun and escape (and ironically a major I no longer have), but upon entering the stadium I found myself lost, confused, and quite honestly just a little scared as I found myself surrounded by a sea of foreign colors.
It took some time and a lot of reflection to even come to terms with this. For all those reading this shaking their head in discouragement at this awkward Sun Devil, take just one second to try and imagine what everyone in Tucson must have thought, what my father thought of this seemingly explicit betrayal.
In the end I justified these acts by deemphasizing the rivalry itself, something I found not very difficult to do. After all, since I've been alive it seems that the Cats always take it to the hoop while the Devils go for six. Very rarely do these two teams switch roles, and almost never did any of the contests matter significantly (in the long run) for either school, let alone both.
But make no mistake about it: this game does matter! At stake for ASU is a chance at our (yes I said OUR) first ten-win season since Jake Plummer, as well as a possible BCS Bowl bid, be it the Fiesta or even the Rose. ASU doesn't need a miracle, just a little help to return back to Pasadena, while the Fiesta remains a logical destination.
For the Wildcats, this game is yet another attempt at .500 and becoming bowl eligible, and for a team that hasn't been to a bowl game since 1998 (Holiday), this game is by no means meaningless. It matters a lot to us (yes I said US). Even more relevant is UA's desire, both from a fan and player perspective to beat the rival, win the duel, and ruin what has been one of the more memorable seasons for the Devils in recent memory.
The trustiest of fans should at least be able to sympathize with this predicament. My communications professor would probably say I am attempting to act out two very separate identities, each that I consider true to myself.
On one end is my ASU identity. I am a Sun Devil. This is truer than anything. I go here, I study here, I party here; I am ASU. If I played a sport I'd wear maroon and gold, and I'd do it with pride.
On the other end is Josh Spivack, ages 1-18, a true born and raised Tucsonan. Anyone from Tucson with enough sense will tell you that if you're a part of Tucson then you are also a part of the Arizona Wildcats. Whereas kids in Scottsdale and around Phoenix could care less about ASU, anyone who has enough muster to call themselves a Tucsonan could just as easily say Wildcat.
Don't roll your eyes at this either. It's pretty damn special to be a part of that. An entire community, obsessed with something they can't control, their emotional highs and lows riding on a field goal or a basket.
These past two years, the decision was much more straightforward. Showing no concern for public opinion I admit here that for the past two years I did indeed root for my original identity, for my town and my team.
It was an easy choice after all. After giving it everything as a Sun Devil fan for two years, I found ASU fighting for an Insight bid and a Hawaii bid. I was a Devil the whole season but when it didn't matter anymore I went with the only thing I had ever known.
But now it matters and now torment has gone from a subtle issue to a face-to-face encounter, quite literally with myself!
So come this Saturday I will have a horrible decision. In chess they call this checkmate; because whatever I do I am going to lose. Betrayal is unavoidable.
Poor Tucson Josh, caught in the middle. He can't say for sure what he'll do this Saturday. Does he go with what he's always known or does he go with what he has come to be?
I can tell you this much for sure: he wishes they still had ties in college football. At least then it'd be a stalemate.
Reach the reporter at: joshua.spivack@asu.edu.
