"Oh. My. God," Ashley said out loud to herself as she scanned the Facebook feed that glowed ominously in front of her face, greeting her with tidbits about the digital lives of her dearest acquaintances, friends and "frenemies."
"I cannot believe that Bobby is 'in a relationship" with that skank Cathy! He just messaged me the other day saying how much he missed me and wanted to see me! I am going to un-friend him right now."
In the following weeks, Ashley would receive several confused, desperate messages from Bobby, wondering why she would do such a hurtful thing as un-friend him. He saw it as the lowest of low blows. She was glad because she had intended to cut him deep.
The story of Ashley and Bobby reflects the new relationship dysfunctions evolving along with digital communication. Facebook is now a staple of our everyday lives as college students. We have all heard how it is a phenomenon of our society, from both critical and philosophical points of view, but I wish to explore the effects Facebook (and other various online communities) is having on our personal relationships.
A phone call used to be considered a lesser form of communication, shallow perhaps. Without a face to read expressions or a body to embrace, talking can feel stilted and awkward. A Facebook message, on the other hand, can be thought out and revised until it is crafted to convey exactly what its author wishes.
This was once true of the dying art of letters, but an online message is instantly delivered and catalyzes the process through convenience. Generally, messages are meant to be more personal and private, whereas a post on someone's Facebook wall is a note to all. This wide exposure motivates posters to leave witty quips on the walls of others so they can be enjoyed and admired by a vast audience.
But, the most fascinating aspect of Facebook communication, in my opinion, is the gossip and drama it brews in mass.
The fluctuating relationship status of one's friends is not only displayed on profiles, but also advertised on one's "feed." A person can stay up-to-date on the love lives of those in their network, each alteration accompanied by a whole or breaking heart. A nice little touch added for affect by the site's creators. If a breakup goes badly, a bitter, one-sided note may appear. This could lead to a rebuttal by the other half of the relationship, but the argument is not meant for either parts of the couple, it is meant for mutual friends on Facebook. Like the race between Obama and Hilary, each half of the couple is trying to rally the most supporters from a specific group.
Messages, notes and the like are especially enjoyed by cowards, who lack the communication skills to speak to someone in person, so instead they rant and rave via keyboard. Facebook provides the perfect forum for such folk.
And to be un-friended —woohee. That person must really, really hate you. No verbal message required to get that point across.
We feed off our Facebook feed. It provides juicy details for lunch convo or for personal satisfaction of knowing that someone who called you a bitch in high school got dumped by her boyfriend.
The pictures and photo albums allow us to follow the lives of others through concrete images. We can screen people through their profiles and judge accordingly, without seeing or speaking to them for years. We can see who's packed on the freshman thirty or got an unfortunate-looking haircut, and feel better about ourselves by comparison. It is essentially our modern world's Big Brother.
So keep in mind that people are following your life without your knowledge as if everyone else has turned into Santa Clause and can keep watch on your every step.
I could see you when you're sleeping and know when your awake, but I would much rather you just e-mail me: melissa.mapes@asu.edu.
