As students at the "New American University," we should have the awesome privilege of being able to walk from one end of our campus to another without being in constant fear of attack.
Like a parody of a George Romero zombie movie, we are constantly dodging people and posters as if they were the rabid undead, trying with insane vigor and He-Man type strength to wrestle us to the ground, force us to open our wallets, opt out of that hasty abortion or finally come to Jesus. I have actually come to believe that the almighty administrators in the Mount Olympus of the Foundation Building have begun to use these obstacles as tests to see exactly how much dedication we have in getting to that next class after lunch.
Or maybe they simply get some sick sadistic pleasure out of watching us squirm past saving the environment or the threat of going to hell if we partake in that keg of beer this weekend.
As if the hundreds of thousands of people pushing past one another on Palm Walk or the seemingly hopeless attempts to walk around the obnoxious few who insist upon standing in the middle of the sidewalk, I am genuinely sick and tired of the constant struggle to get to a class that already — by definition — bores me.
Now, it's not as if I find free speech and activism for causes that are special to these people's hearts unimportant, but I do feel that I should not be constantly harassed as I walk around my own campus. And this past week with the anti-abortion squad on the loose, my attempts at a peaceful, gore-free stroll to class were subsequently hindered. In order to combat this very tiresome trend, I feel that the Foundation gods must find a way to let these people speak their minds, without infringing on my right to walk to class unscathed.
To be honest, I would love to give a minute to the environment and take that flyer for Monday's free sub of the day (I am a college student and by law, starving), but I would equally love to not see half-aborted babies while I make my way to Creative Writing or listen to some middle-aged white man tell me my soul is in jeopardy because I watched Wolf Blitzer last night instead of Bill O'Reilly.
So now the time has come for all Sun Devils who are tired of the constant battle for the not-so-mean sidewalks of ASU to once again take up their iPods, binders and all other weapons of mass distraction, and find a way for our trips to class to be free of shouting evangelists, graphic images and all people needing your monetary contribution. There has to be a way for us all to just get along, but unfortunately, a solution escapes me for the moment. I feel that the answer to this question lies in the hands of those ambrosia-eating gods sitting in their air-conditioned offices across University Drive.
The battle for the malls has begun. So, President Crow, please find it in your heart to find a solution that will give your students a more peaceful trek through the hot Arizona sun and more joyful countenance when we finally make it past the zombies and into the cool air of class and victory.
Tell Sarah your walking-to-class horror stories at: sarah.maschoff@asu.edu.
