Students who like someone might have to think twice about getting to know them further.
An article published last year in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that less is more in terms of knowing someone.
For college students this may be impossible, especially when living in dorms or apartments can mean getting close fast.
The article, “Less Is More: The Lure of Ambiguity, or Why Familiarity Breeds Contempt,” suggests that although people tend to think the more they get to know someone, the more they will like them, it is actually the opposite. On average, the study found that the more people learned of new acquaintances, the less they liked them.
Pre-medical biology sophomore Valerie Skocypec says she tried to be really positive when she moved into the dorms at ASU.
At first, Skocypec says she felt like she could talk to and relate to her new roommate because they were both in long-distance relationships. As the semester went on, Skocypec got to know her roommate more and more and says she noticed how different they were.
Among other things, Skocypec says that her roommate was messier than her, leaving half-eaten microwave dinners and dirty dishes out, and more careless with their things, once leaving the door to their dorm room propped open and unlocked all night long.
“The more I got to know of her, the less she was someone I wanted to hang around with,” Skocypec says.
One day, Skocypec headed home from class feeling sick and wanting to rest. When she entered her room, her roommate was having sex on Skocypec’s futon.
“Things just started going downhill from there,” Skocypec says. “The entire situation was hard. I wanted to move out, but I was afraid of getting someone worse.”
Skocypec’s scenario isn’t unusual, according to the study.
The study attributes liking people less the more you get to know them to the fact that people often like those with similarities to themselves and dislike people who are dissimilar to themselves.
The study further explains when first meeting someone, people are overly optimistic in seeking and interpreting similarities.
“The real trick is when you don’t know enough about someone, you can read into it whatever you want,” Dan Ariely, one of the authors and researchers of the article, says.
Furthermore, the article says that once dissimilarities are found, people tend to interpret more information as further evidence of dissimilarity.
Because of these tendencies, the article suggests the more we know of people, the more dissimilarities we uncover and the less we like them.
Unlike Skocypec, biology sophomore Casey Lindquist roomed with someone she had known prior to ASU. In fact, she says her roommate was her best friend in high school and rooming with her was not a problem.
“I think you just have to have two people who are on the same level,” Lindquist says.
Elementary education sophomore Kali Fisher lived in the Palo Verde West dorms last fall before moving home. She says her living situation with her roommate and friend at the time didn’t even make it through the first week of school because of their differences. In addition, her roommate wasn’t receptive to discussing or working on the issues.
So, what can students expect and how can they prepare in light of this new evidence?
Ariely, who is also a professor of behavioral economics at Duke University, says it shouldn’t be a matter of avoiding getting to know someone, but knowing how much to get to know someone.
“The thing is, for different people, there are different levels of optimal relationship,” Ariely says.
Dan Koestner, a recent graduate, has witnessed a variety of the issues that occur in the dorms as a Residential Assistant for the last two-and-a-half years. He says that for the most part, things are good and students can handle living with new people.
However, issues can occur between roommates and Koestner recommends students fill out a roommate agreement at the beginning of the semester and be open and discuss issues with each other as they arise.
“Communication is by far the most important thing for roommates,” Koestner says.
In Skocypec’s case, the situation never improved. In fact, Skocypec says she and her roomate hardly spoke after winter break. Although the experience wasn’t pleasant, she doesn’t regret it.
“It was almost good in a way. It forced me to go out there and meet all kinds of people who just weren’t sleeping in the same room as me,” Skocypec says, “It wasn’t easy, but I learned a lot, so I don’t regret it.”
Skocypec recommends trying not to be judgmental.
“You just have to be ready for anything and realize that everyone’s way of life is different than yours,” Skocypec says.
— nicole.ethier@asu.edu
Further reading:
M. Norton, J. Frost & D. Ariely (2007). Less Is More: The Lure of Ambiguity, or Why Familiarity Breeds Contempt. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92, 97-105
